Monday, September 24, 2012

Being Friendly

Everyone have their own style of being friendly. Some are only friendly with those who are nice to them, some are only friendly with those they are comfortable with, some are friendly with EVERYONE be it with random people they see around them. However, people tend to have misunderstandings when they judge other people in terms of their "friendliness". I don't really know what you call it specifically, but it is commonly known as the person's aura or the vibe they bring out to others. Have you ever met a person who is very very friendly with the people they hang out with, but whenever you see them with other people (with you for example), you tend to feel the tension that he or she brings out which tells you he or she doesn't really want to communicate with you or with the others around him or her? Well, this is because that person intentionally brings out that vibe so that he won't be approached. I have a couple of things to say about this, but let me firstly begin by discussing about how it works.

Different people have different level of vibes or aura they bring out, some people have a very weak vibe you barely notice the person even existed! Some others (very few) have a very strong vibe, veeeery strong to an extent that the person can actually influence others around them. Both can be positive and negative. For example, a very friendly person with a significantly strong aura can easily approach the non-friendly people no matter how much they try to avoid having communication with others. In another case, a very unfriendly person with a significantly strong aura can easily avoid communication when a friendly person tries to be friendly with him or her. In most cases, it is an inborn skill they have acquired from young, but it is however a skill that can be generated through training or life-changing experience for example. It is all about perception and how we try to portray ourselves to others.

Humans are a social animal, this is how Aristotle view the matter and it is very true in certain context. Everyone have their own style of friendliness, if we pay much attention to it, we can actually identify how and when their "friendliness" is actually put into play.

Now, when it comes to communicating or befriending with other people... I have a very strict rule before I actually allow myself to do so. I rely very much on my instinct when judging others, no matter how much people portray themselves to be, I tend to judge him solely by relying on my internal judgment of how the person is actually like as a whole. As I said before, sensing the people's aura or vibe if you will.

I only like to befriend who are deep inside a very kindhearted person, even if they themselves do not realize it. So far, my instinct is never wrong. Secondly, I am interested to befriend those who interest me or those who managed to make me curious about their lifestyle, but this is only if they pass my initial judgment of instinct. For example, there is this person I knew back in Nilai, a very shy person who tries to search for friends but is not actually very good in communicating. I am not the type of person who frequently greets new people and be friendly with them, as I said, I am very selective when it comes to befriending others. So I approached this guy and tried to make him feel comfortable so that he can portray himself more naturally, tried to bring him along to hang out with others to burst his bubble. Towards the end, he is a very interesting and friendly person who finally managed to portray himself the way he wants to. 

Everyone is friendly in a certain context, some rather have only a few friends, some others want to have as much as possible. When I meet a person I am interested with, I will personally greet the person and start the communication. It doesn't mean that other people I met are not kindhearted, they are somewhat kindhearted but not in the manner of "kindhearted" I personally define. Am I twisting my words here? Nah, I don't think so. 

I usually and intentionally emit an unfriendly or an unsocial vibe to others because I prefer to spend my free time gazing away in my own world of thinking every now and then especially during class hours. However, there are cases in which people with relatively strong aura of friendliness (or they simply lack the ability to sense other people's vibe) approach to have communication with me, in this cases I entertain them with mutual amount of friendliness as well. But, being friendly doesn't necessarily mean that you are willing to dig in deeper to an extent of making him or her your close friends, its just more towards making them into one of your known acquaintance. In other words, I am not interested in making an effort to greet or bursting other people's bubbles simply for the sake of making them an acquaintance of mine.

There are however interesting individuals in which I myself judge highly in terms of their personality and the way they handle themselves in their daily lives. I tend to pay much attention to these kind of individuals just to know how they communicate with others. In most cases, if I hang out with these kind of people, I rather not display my natural way of communicating as our styles of communication doesn't really go well with one another. At the end of the day, I can't help but view myself as a person who have to adapt to the other person's way of communication and response in somewhat the same acceptable manner as well. Thus, no matter how insistent the individual may be and no matter how awkward the situation might become, I prefer it to be in such a way. Well truthfully however, I believe we can be close friends if I permit myself (though it may require a number of times communicating with one another before we could actually reach a comfortable state of communicating), there are several other things that I myself had stored as a rule in my mind in which I kept as a boundary that I should not cross. Among them would be, I do not want to be close friends with the opposite gender. Hey, it may stupid and selfish, but I expect the same thing from the person I love as well, I can't imagine myself having to tolerate the idea that my potential wife is having a male as her best friend. It would be hypocrite of me to do the things I myself disapprove. So, basically, the reason I try to avoid certain people in my life is because I know I can't simply limit our friendship to a known "acquaintance", it would most probably generate into something stronger than that such as becoming close-friends or maybe even best-friends for that matter!

Well, everyone have their own perceptions and level of friendliness they have in life. It is best if we actually take some time to understand the individual rather than misinterpreting their personality before judging them as a whole.

Lately I tend to do grammatical errors more often when I type using this laptop of mine, I wonder why...


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