I had always perceived myself as a person wearing a mask.
My character that I had created in order to portray myself in UIA had always been the same since I was in UIA Nilai. My actions and behavior does not necessarily reflect my thinking. I had always prefer to stay in the very corner of the class and stay quiet until the very end. I had always prefer to limit my relationship with others be it the lecturer or even my classmates. But when the time has come for me to actually participate such as doing assignments or presentations, I do my very best to live up to people's expectations. Mostly people find this to be weird as the attitude that I portray when I am presenting or participating during assignments completely contradict their previous understanding towards my character. I like it this way... And I prefer it to be in this way....
1. You don't know me.
2. Keep it that way.
3. But yes, you can count on me.
But lately, it seems that most of the situations that I am encountering lately is encouraging me to repeatedly participate and participate and participate and some even to an extent of forcing me to take control over the situation.
This semester, I am currently taking Leadership as one of my subjects. Basically, during the beginning of the class, we were entitled to do an assignment regarding "flora and fauna"... We were given the time from the beginning of the semester until the 16th of October in order to complete the assignment. During the 16th of October, we will have to present the assignment to 6 different judges all-together.
At first, when I entered the class, I noticed that there are around 8 guys all-together including me. I hate these dudes.... The problem is, they FREQUENTLY AND CONTINUOUSLY make up jokes that are not even funny in the first place and then laugh like idiots. Most of them are from terengganu, so maybe it is only me who fail to understand their silly jokes. So what I did was, I created a barrier between me and them as I sat in complete silence. The overall students of the class were then divided into two different groups. Since the amount of chicks were more than the dudes, two chicks were forced to join the dudes. The lecturer told us that we will be given 2 different topics which are "flora and fauna" or "Children's safety" or something like that. So, in order words, "sape cepat dia dapat!!" or in English "whoever picks the topic first will get what they desire while the other group will have to take the leftovers"...
I refuse to take control over the situation, but I do not want my future to be determined by others. What I did was I told my group members to take the topic flora and fauna, no matter what because that topic is awesomely easy. Then my group got the topic I wanted, yay! After a while, the dudes voted among themselves to be the leader while I pretend to be gazing off elsewhere. Then after a while, one of the dudes became the leader. He then excitedly told everyone "OKAY YOU LAZY FOOLS!!! WE ARE GOING TO DO A FRIGGIN TRIP TO EXPLORE OUR FLORA AND FAUNA!!! MUAHAAHAHA!!!!!" Something like that, of course my re-enactment is exaggerated. Okay, so then I gave my number to the group leader and told him to contact me for further discussion.
During the next day, they did a group discussion, I however, was not able to come to the group discussion. So I told him that I will personally come to his room later during night, so just proceed with the discussion and then fill me with the details. Then later that night, I came to his room.....
When I came to his room, he portrayed to me his leader-like appearance as he spoke to me in a very formal manner. I on the other hand wearing sleeveless shirt and a pair of Hawaiian shorts, I was like "sorry for being late, hohoho". So, when I was sitting in front of his laptop, he told me about the discussion that has been made. He told me that they were going to make a trip, and that the assignments will be about the trip itself in terms of objective, details, budget ane etc.... In other words, what he have in mind is basically a PROPOSAL...
As I was looking at the sub-topics that are required to be filled into the assignment, I noticed the necessary sub-topics listed in the guideline given by the lecturer such as "research problem, recommendations, conclusion, research methodology, etc".... I was like.... What the fish?? Isn't this assignment supposed to be a RESEARCH? Obviously, all of these sub-topics does not fit in with all the guidelines for the assignment. In fact, such guidelines are obviously for research study, not a damn proposal. So then I asked my so-called leader, do you guys actually know what needs to be filled in each of these sub-topics if we were to apply it to our proposal? He then told me "That's the problem, we do not know how to do so..."....
I was like.... So..... WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF YOUR SO CALLED GROUP DISCUSSION IF NO DEVELOPMENT WAS MADE!???? So then I clearly stated the contradiction of their main idea regarding the assignment. I told them it is not supposed to be about a damn trip towards flora and fauna, but it should be about the study regarding flora and fauna. For example the problem that we are going to study is about the poor level of awareness of Malaysians towards flora and fauna, and such and such. This way, it fits in nicely with the guidelines given. He was like "oooooohhh, like that!! Luckily you are here, I have no idea what needs to be done.". So, I then helped him by listing down the main points that should be elaborated to complete the assignment. I then told him before I went back, sms me for further discussion yeah? Laters~
After many many many weeks has gone by after that... 3 weeks ago I think, we were supposed to gather for a leadership activity thingy at the main auditorium (we had about a months and a half of holiday since there are no leadership class afterward). I sat beside the leader, I then asked him "How's the assignment?". He then told me they had group discussions previously (what? why was I not invited?) and had discussed the necessary details. I then asked him, soooo, how's the ASSIGNMENT? It turns out that NOTHING had been done.... He then told me that he no longer wants to be the leader and he wanted me to be the LEADER instead... I was like.... WHAT THE HELL!?!?
WE HAD LIKE ABOUT 3 WHOLE MONTHS TO DO THE ASSIGNMENT!! NOW WE HAVE LESS THAN 3 WEEKS BEFORE THE FINAL PRESENTATION, YOU SUDDENLY WANT ME TO TAKE CONTROL OVER THE SITUATION!?!? ON TOP OF THAT, YOU HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING AT ALL!?!?!?
So I was like, okay, sms me the group members phone number then we'll start from there. So, after I got their phone numbers. I sms'ed each and everyone of them. Did you guys attended to the previous group discussions? How's the development? Do you guys realize we have less than 3 weeks before the final presentation? Do you guys know who's the group leader? Guess what? Each and everyone of them calmly replied to my sms saying yes, we attended to the previous group discussions... Our development is doing fine, and yes we know who our group leader is, he is Khairul, you should ask him personally to know more, ;D!
I was like.... O... My.... God.... They have no idea that NOTHING has been done.... They have no idea that I am the NEW LEADER... They have no idea that their perception towards the assignment is absolutely false.... They have no idea that THEY ARE NOT CONTRIBUTING AT ALL! So I decided to take major actions and then decided to do group discussions immediately at the library. Guess what? Only two person came. :). The previous leader and a chick. The previous leader only stayed for 15 minutes or so. The chick stayed for an hour. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention to you guys that this chick is married, yup. And i forgot to mention to you guys that ALL 7 DUDES that exist in my group gave the whole workload of doing the assignments to this MARRIED WOMAN WHO HAD TO TAKE CARE OF HER CHILD. I was like, what the F**K is wrong with my male group members? She is obviously busy since she is married, they all gave her the workload to do the assignment ALL BY HERSELF? Since then, I hated my male group members for their F**KED up behavior.
So what I did was, I told the married woman, its okay, you don't need to do the assignment, let me do all the work yeah? At first she was like, seriously? I dont think that is appropriate. Well, firstly, she has no idea how to do the assignment and she has not done anything in the first place. So I figured, it would simply be a waste of time if I were to hope that any of my ignorant group members will do the assignment. They are too STUPID to even understand what needs to be done in the first place.
During the next leadership class, my group members then knew I was the new group leader. At first they were having this kind of facial expression on their face "Who is this dude? Who does he think suddenly trying to take control over the situation? U did not even attend to the previous group discussions". I was fairly irritated by their facial expressions. So I quickly presented about their false perception about the whole idea regarding the assignment. I told them in SPECIFIC DETAILS what needs to be done in order to complete the assignment. Then gradually their facial expression changed from being a cocky idiot they were before into simply idiots who have no idea what to do.
So I then told them, NOT TO WORRY, I will do the assignment ALL BY MYSELF and then I will try to present it to you guys before the next class for your own personal understanding. So they were like idiots agreeing to each and everything I said. After the class, then my previous group leader told me that "umm.... Actually, our group members had a hard time understanding what needs to be done actually". I was like mentally thinking to myself... I see, so they are that STUPID...
Within 6 days, I completed the 20 pages of assignment from SCRATCH along with the questionnaires and such ALL BY MYSELF. When the time came for me to present to the lecturer for his approval, he told me that it was awesome and that we can proceed with the discussion for presentation. I was like, wooohoooo!! My effort was worth it! I AM AWESOME!!
Then I told my group members our assignment was awesomely accepted as everything was written in DETAIL... It was 20 pages long. Then one of my group members said "20 pages?... Sikitnye (in English = Why so little?)..". I don't know if that was one of the TERENGGANU stupid JOKES, but I swear that I myself really felt like punching that guys face or at least burst by saying what the f**k does a stupid idiot like you know you son of a b***h!? But I pretended that I didn't hear it. I only explained to them with a smile + laughing etc...
Then the time came for me to choose who will be the 3 main presenters for the assignment this upcoming Saturday. Guess what? NONE OF THEM WANTS TO PRESENT. Each and everyone of them told me "OH GOD~~!!!! IT IS MY VERY FIRST TIME SPEAKING IN ENGLISH IN UIA~!!! I AM TOO STUPID IN ENGLISH~!! MY TERENGGANU ACCENT WILL BE INCLUDED IN MY ENGLISH~!! I WILL TREMBLE LIKE AN IDIOT~! ETC..."
Yes, I know you guys are idiots, stop convincing me that you guys are. My previous group leader is a LAW student.... A freakin LAW STUDENT!! Experts in argument and facts, he told me that he doesn't want to be one of the main presenters? Are you kidding me!? So then I decided to choose him, and also another chick that I haven't mentioned, she was my classmates during my time in Nilai, her presentation so far is good, so I'll be choosing her as one of the 3 main presenters....
..........................................................
Truth be told... I am highly disappointed by my group members... None of them even decided to offer me help or even ask me how to make them useful by contributing to the group assignment... On top of that, none of them offered to become one of the main presenter... Also, when I ask them to gather for group discussion, none of them replied and none of them came....
I ALONE... Did the whole f***ed up assignment.... It was me alone who made it possible by working day and night for 6 consecutive days... I perceive myself as a calm person... I try to pity and help those around me without expecting nothing in return... But this...
THIS IS OVER THE LINE. You don't want to present? You don't want to read the whole assignment!? Do you realise that this is not a the kind of presentation that is marked according to your individual presentation but in fact as a GROUP!? I'll be damned if my marks is going to be affected by you F****D UP IDIOTS!
SO I DECIDED TO GATHER EVERYONE THIS WEDNESDAY AS A GROUP DISCUSSION AND OF COURSE TO RE-EXPLAIN TO THEM ABOUT THE ASSIGNMENT FOR THE PRESENTATION... I will firstly present to them my part so that they will know a little much about what is going on and what level of expectations I have towards them in terms of presentation....
I will then torture them by asking DIFFICULT questions... I will not let them go back unless they are able to answer all my questions successfully...
Seriously... I am at my limit.... I can only be so kind for so long.... If they disagree to take my orders or if they do not pay attention to what I am saying... I swear... I will directly tell them in front of their face how stupid they actually are, how useless they fucking are, how a burden they actually are in my perspective. If I were to get rid of them, it will not affect the group's development at all, why? Because they haven't contributed at all. In fact without them, it will make things easier for me to present the damn assignment.
I don't think I can control myself anymore if their stupidity continue to persist this upcoming Wednesday. They continue to take advantage of me without any feeling of guilty, well fuck you, I will make you suffer this Wednesday and force you to contribute to my marks in anyway possible. What can these faggots who dare call themselves men (who gave all the workload to a married woman) do? Disagree with me? I don't think this faggots will actually dare to, once I show my true colour this upcoming Wednesday.
But of course, I will only torture the dudes... The chicks will only be given simple questions and they will need to observe and learn how the dudes are targeted with difficult questions and how they deal with it. Nice, this blog has served its purpose. I pray that I can maintain my cool, I don't want my self to commit any physical actions out of anger. That is so not awesome. :)
Paras|te|sAnEx|stence
My character that I had created in order to portray myself in UIA had always been the same since I was in UIA Nilai. My actions and behavior does not necessarily reflect my thinking. I had always prefer to stay in the very corner of the class and stay quiet until the very end. I had always prefer to limit my relationship with others be it the lecturer or even my classmates. But when the time has come for me to actually participate such as doing assignments or presentations, I do my very best to live up to people's expectations. Mostly people find this to be weird as the attitude that I portray when I am presenting or participating during assignments completely contradict their previous understanding towards my character. I like it this way... And I prefer it to be in this way....
1. You don't know me.
2. Keep it that way.
3. But yes, you can count on me.
But lately, it seems that most of the situations that I am encountering lately is encouraging me to repeatedly participate and participate and participate and some even to an extent of forcing me to take control over the situation.
This semester, I am currently taking Leadership as one of my subjects. Basically, during the beginning of the class, we were entitled to do an assignment regarding "flora and fauna"... We were given the time from the beginning of the semester until the 16th of October in order to complete the assignment. During the 16th of October, we will have to present the assignment to 6 different judges all-together.
At first, when I entered the class, I noticed that there are around 8 guys all-together including me. I hate these dudes.... The problem is, they FREQUENTLY AND CONTINUOUSLY make up jokes that are not even funny in the first place and then laugh like idiots. Most of them are from terengganu, so maybe it is only me who fail to understand their silly jokes. So what I did was, I created a barrier between me and them as I sat in complete silence. The overall students of the class were then divided into two different groups. Since the amount of chicks were more than the dudes, two chicks were forced to join the dudes. The lecturer told us that we will be given 2 different topics which are "flora and fauna" or "Children's safety" or something like that. So, in order words, "sape cepat dia dapat!!" or in English "whoever picks the topic first will get what they desire while the other group will have to take the leftovers"...
I refuse to take control over the situation, but I do not want my future to be determined by others. What I did was I told my group members to take the topic flora and fauna, no matter what because that topic is awesomely easy. Then my group got the topic I wanted, yay! After a while, the dudes voted among themselves to be the leader while I pretend to be gazing off elsewhere. Then after a while, one of the dudes became the leader. He then excitedly told everyone "OKAY YOU LAZY FOOLS!!! WE ARE GOING TO DO A FRIGGIN TRIP TO EXPLORE OUR FLORA AND FAUNA!!! MUAHAAHAHA!!!!!" Something like that, of course my re-enactment is exaggerated. Okay, so then I gave my number to the group leader and told him to contact me for further discussion.
During the next day, they did a group discussion, I however, was not able to come to the group discussion. So I told him that I will personally come to his room later during night, so just proceed with the discussion and then fill me with the details. Then later that night, I came to his room.....
When I came to his room, he portrayed to me his leader-like appearance as he spoke to me in a very formal manner. I on the other hand wearing sleeveless shirt and a pair of Hawaiian shorts, I was like "sorry for being late, hohoho". So, when I was sitting in front of his laptop, he told me about the discussion that has been made. He told me that they were going to make a trip, and that the assignments will be about the trip itself in terms of objective, details, budget ane etc.... In other words, what he have in mind is basically a PROPOSAL...
As I was looking at the sub-topics that are required to be filled into the assignment, I noticed the necessary sub-topics listed in the guideline given by the lecturer such as "research problem, recommendations, conclusion, research methodology, etc".... I was like.... What the fish?? Isn't this assignment supposed to be a RESEARCH? Obviously, all of these sub-topics does not fit in with all the guidelines for the assignment. In fact, such guidelines are obviously for research study, not a damn proposal. So then I asked my so-called leader, do you guys actually know what needs to be filled in each of these sub-topics if we were to apply it to our proposal? He then told me "That's the problem, we do not know how to do so..."....
I was like.... So..... WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF YOUR SO CALLED GROUP DISCUSSION IF NO DEVELOPMENT WAS MADE!???? So then I clearly stated the contradiction of their main idea regarding the assignment. I told them it is not supposed to be about a damn trip towards flora and fauna, but it should be about the study regarding flora and fauna. For example the problem that we are going to study is about the poor level of awareness of Malaysians towards flora and fauna, and such and such. This way, it fits in nicely with the guidelines given. He was like "oooooohhh, like that!! Luckily you are here, I have no idea what needs to be done.". So, I then helped him by listing down the main points that should be elaborated to complete the assignment. I then told him before I went back, sms me for further discussion yeah? Laters~
After many many many weeks has gone by after that... 3 weeks ago I think, we were supposed to gather for a leadership activity thingy at the main auditorium (we had about a months and a half of holiday since there are no leadership class afterward). I sat beside the leader, I then asked him "How's the assignment?". He then told me they had group discussions previously (what? why was I not invited?) and had discussed the necessary details. I then asked him, soooo, how's the ASSIGNMENT? It turns out that NOTHING had been done.... He then told me that he no longer wants to be the leader and he wanted me to be the LEADER instead... I was like.... WHAT THE HELL!?!?
WE HAD LIKE ABOUT 3 WHOLE MONTHS TO DO THE ASSIGNMENT!! NOW WE HAVE LESS THAN 3 WEEKS BEFORE THE FINAL PRESENTATION, YOU SUDDENLY WANT ME TO TAKE CONTROL OVER THE SITUATION!?!? ON TOP OF THAT, YOU HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING AT ALL!?!?!?
So I was like, okay, sms me the group members phone number then we'll start from there. So, after I got their phone numbers. I sms'ed each and everyone of them. Did you guys attended to the previous group discussions? How's the development? Do you guys realize we have less than 3 weeks before the final presentation? Do you guys know who's the group leader? Guess what? Each and everyone of them calmly replied to my sms saying yes, we attended to the previous group discussions... Our development is doing fine, and yes we know who our group leader is, he is Khairul, you should ask him personally to know more, ;D!
I was like.... O... My.... God.... They have no idea that NOTHING has been done.... They have no idea that I am the NEW LEADER... They have no idea that their perception towards the assignment is absolutely false.... They have no idea that THEY ARE NOT CONTRIBUTING AT ALL! So I decided to take major actions and then decided to do group discussions immediately at the library. Guess what? Only two person came. :). The previous leader and a chick. The previous leader only stayed for 15 minutes or so. The chick stayed for an hour. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention to you guys that this chick is married, yup. And i forgot to mention to you guys that ALL 7 DUDES that exist in my group gave the whole workload of doing the assignments to this MARRIED WOMAN WHO HAD TO TAKE CARE OF HER CHILD. I was like, what the F**K is wrong with my male group members? She is obviously busy since she is married, they all gave her the workload to do the assignment ALL BY HERSELF? Since then, I hated my male group members for their F**KED up behavior.
So what I did was, I told the married woman, its okay, you don't need to do the assignment, let me do all the work yeah? At first she was like, seriously? I dont think that is appropriate. Well, firstly, she has no idea how to do the assignment and she has not done anything in the first place. So I figured, it would simply be a waste of time if I were to hope that any of my ignorant group members will do the assignment. They are too STUPID to even understand what needs to be done in the first place.
During the next leadership class, my group members then knew I was the new group leader. At first they were having this kind of facial expression on their face "Who is this dude? Who does he think suddenly trying to take control over the situation? U did not even attend to the previous group discussions". I was fairly irritated by their facial expressions. So I quickly presented about their false perception about the whole idea regarding the assignment. I told them in SPECIFIC DETAILS what needs to be done in order to complete the assignment. Then gradually their facial expression changed from being a cocky idiot they were before into simply idiots who have no idea what to do.
So I then told them, NOT TO WORRY, I will do the assignment ALL BY MYSELF and then I will try to present it to you guys before the next class for your own personal understanding. So they were like idiots agreeing to each and everything I said. After the class, then my previous group leader told me that "umm.... Actually, our group members had a hard time understanding what needs to be done actually". I was like mentally thinking to myself... I see, so they are that STUPID...
Within 6 days, I completed the 20 pages of assignment from SCRATCH along with the questionnaires and such ALL BY MYSELF. When the time came for me to present to the lecturer for his approval, he told me that it was awesome and that we can proceed with the discussion for presentation. I was like, wooohoooo!! My effort was worth it! I AM AWESOME!!
Then I told my group members our assignment was awesomely accepted as everything was written in DETAIL... It was 20 pages long. Then one of my group members said "20 pages?... Sikitnye (in English = Why so little?)..". I don't know if that was one of the TERENGGANU stupid JOKES, but I swear that I myself really felt like punching that guys face or at least burst by saying what the f**k does a stupid idiot like you know you son of a b***h!? But I pretended that I didn't hear it. I only explained to them with a smile + laughing etc...
Then the time came for me to choose who will be the 3 main presenters for the assignment this upcoming Saturday. Guess what? NONE OF THEM WANTS TO PRESENT. Each and everyone of them told me "OH GOD~~!!!! IT IS MY VERY FIRST TIME SPEAKING IN ENGLISH IN UIA~!!! I AM TOO STUPID IN ENGLISH~!! MY TERENGGANU ACCENT WILL BE INCLUDED IN MY ENGLISH~!! I WILL TREMBLE LIKE AN IDIOT~! ETC..."
Yes, I know you guys are idiots, stop convincing me that you guys are. My previous group leader is a LAW student.... A freakin LAW STUDENT!! Experts in argument and facts, he told me that he doesn't want to be one of the main presenters? Are you kidding me!? So then I decided to choose him, and also another chick that I haven't mentioned, she was my classmates during my time in Nilai, her presentation so far is good, so I'll be choosing her as one of the 3 main presenters....
..........................................................
Truth be told... I am highly disappointed by my group members... None of them even decided to offer me help or even ask me how to make them useful by contributing to the group assignment... On top of that, none of them offered to become one of the main presenter... Also, when I ask them to gather for group discussion, none of them replied and none of them came....
I ALONE... Did the whole f***ed up assignment.... It was me alone who made it possible by working day and night for 6 consecutive days... I perceive myself as a calm person... I try to pity and help those around me without expecting nothing in return... But this...
THIS IS OVER THE LINE. You don't want to present? You don't want to read the whole assignment!? Do you realise that this is not a the kind of presentation that is marked according to your individual presentation but in fact as a GROUP!? I'll be damned if my marks is going to be affected by you F****D UP IDIOTS!
SO I DECIDED TO GATHER EVERYONE THIS WEDNESDAY AS A GROUP DISCUSSION AND OF COURSE TO RE-EXPLAIN TO THEM ABOUT THE ASSIGNMENT FOR THE PRESENTATION... I will firstly present to them my part so that they will know a little much about what is going on and what level of expectations I have towards them in terms of presentation....
I will then torture them by asking DIFFICULT questions... I will not let them go back unless they are able to answer all my questions successfully...
Seriously... I am at my limit.... I can only be so kind for so long.... If they disagree to take my orders or if they do not pay attention to what I am saying... I swear... I will directly tell them in front of their face how stupid they actually are, how useless they fucking are, how a burden they actually are in my perspective. If I were to get rid of them, it will not affect the group's development at all, why? Because they haven't contributed at all. In fact without them, it will make things easier for me to present the damn assignment.
I don't think I can control myself anymore if their stupidity continue to persist this upcoming Wednesday. They continue to take advantage of me without any feeling of guilty, well fuck you, I will make you suffer this Wednesday and force you to contribute to my marks in anyway possible. What can these faggots who dare call themselves men (who gave all the workload to a married woman) do? Disagree with me? I don't think this faggots will actually dare to, once I show my true colour this upcoming Wednesday.
But of course, I will only torture the dudes... The chicks will only be given simple questions and they will need to observe and learn how the dudes are targeted with difficult questions and how they deal with it. Nice, this blog has served its purpose. I pray that I can maintain my cool, I don't want my self to commit any physical actions out of anger. That is so not awesome. :)
Paras|te|sAnEx|stence
1 comment:
you have more patience than i do. i friggin hate group work. i dont trust ppl [especially strangers] doing their part coz i know it wont be up to the standards i expect...sucks to be meticulous about work...cant help it though. but i get what u mean. sometimes i too do the whole thing coz i dont want others to jeaopardise my grades..the way i see it, they can get away with it now and be like a free rider...but once they get a job, no one will be there to save their sorry a$$es...excuse the language. its hard to rely on ppl..especially when they dont have the same level of committment.
and i doubt its their first time to present in english...they must all be second years by now. am sure they've presented before, i mean there's at least 2 or 3 presentations every semester! pffft...excuses excuses. okay i'm done ranting. sorry panjang. this post i can reaaaaallly relate with.
Post a Comment