Tuesday, July 10, 2012

My Best Written Stroy (Schizophrenia)


My name is Elena, this is a story about my life.

I currently live in a modern city, surrounded by people who are too caught up with income, fame, and power to an extent that they forget what it means to live.

It wasn't always like this back in the days. I used to live in a distant underdeveloped town with my family and lived happily in glorious ways.

Life was slow but full of memories, every day spent was meaningful as if though it was a daily habit.

Comes a stage when I started to change, so called "came to my senses" and started to revolt to all the norms and all the ways.

To hell with this life spent in this dump I started to call "cage", I might as well leave and venture towards the modern age.

Regardless of my behavior I always had a friend, her name is Catherine and also my best friend.

She did not always agree to my perception of views, but yet she followed me to live in the modern city.

Life in the city was tough, tougher than I thought it was.

There are always ups and downs in life in this confusing city, but luckily Catherine was always there to guide me, indeed in my perception her presence has become an absolute necessity.

However I am not that dumb to not realize that it isn't good to bring too much trouble to others, so I decided to book a few sessions with a psychiatrist to help ease the burden on my shoulders.

I began to frequently cry and scream to myself every now and then. Too frustrated with life, love, and my committed sins.

Losing control, both in the workplace and my own home. I desperately tried ways to handle this problem.

Miraculously, I found a way... It might sound unhealthy but it works nonetheless...

Everytime I stood in the mirror as I stare directly at my own reflection, I curse each and everything and those who I hate in life...

It started with normal curses, but progresses even further as I started to say things such as I will kill and murder...

Amazingly my life was again stable as I was able to live my life normally outside in my workplace, provided with the fact that I did my "mirror" sessions every now and then.

Everything in life began to become better, after several months I no longer need to have a conversation with my mirror.

My psychiatrist was proud with achievement and says I no longer need her service, even Catherine was now happy with all my changes.

Life was great... Until...

CATHERINE.......

I didn't know how it started, when it started, why it started... But it was very.... very disturbing to say the least... This is what happened...

One day, me and Catherine decided to celebrate our life and hit the bar. We got a bit drunk but I was sure we could still drive a car.

Catherine started to say things such as how she has missed our family and the town itself, I tried to convince her not to because we promised to return when we have achieved something great or else our venture to the modern city would be pointless to begin with.

She calmed down, at least I thought she did...

When we were walking outside the bar walking through the alley heading towards the car, something very disturbing happened...

She began to grab my hand and hit herself with it... Again and again repeatedly... I tried to shook her off but I couldn't...

What was more disturbing is while doing that, she screamed to me "Why!? Why!? Stop it!! You're hurting me!!"...

I tried to say something but I was too shocked to utter a word as I couldn't comprehend the situation. It finally stopped when she no longer had the strength to hold my hand...

She was... Bleeding... Passed out in the middle of the road...

It did not make any sense to me... Why would she do that to herself?

But then I finally understood... She needed help... I was SUCH A FOOL!! I walked down the path of depression before and it almost lead me to insanity. What made me think that her life in the modern city was so great to begin with?

Obviously she also has problems in life but she kept it from me so that I won't feel worried about her. TO think that all this time she was holding it in and had to hear to my depressing stories all this while, I cant even begin to imagine what she had to go through!

She needs help... I don't want to let this continue to get worse...

Shortly after that a number of people came to the scene and asked what happened. Panicked, I told them a lie that she was mugged by someone.

Someone was kind enough to offer us a ride to the nearby hospital, I told the same story to the doctors and nurse. Luckily she wasn't seriously injured...

As she was lying unconscious on her bed in the hospital, I stayed by her side thinking of what happened... I promised to myself that I won't leave her alone and won't let the same thing happen again.

When she woke up, she was startled when she saw me. It was a very sad experience for me, seeing my own friend being afraid of me... I calmed her down and told her that everything is fine, repeatedly...

She hugged me and cried for quite some time soon after...

Catherine asked me what happened. I told her that she was mugged, how am I supposed to tell her that she was hitting herself? I couldn't bring myself to tell her that she is insane...

With a doubtful expression on her face She looked directly at me and said "...seriously?". I simply nodded as a reply...

Catherine looked away and said "I see... I was mugged.."

She turned to me and hugged me as she said "I love you, you know that? I really do". I told her I love her as well, I couldn't hold my tears and cried as I hug her...

A month after the incident, everything went fine. I frequently visit Catherine on a daily basis to see how she was doing and she was great!

I still didn't have the heart to ask her what she is depressed about and I couldn't even imagine what it could be!

I started to survey her daily activities for a month... Her life is WONDERFUL! Every where she goes, people treat her with smiles and she is even loved by everyone in her workplace.

As far as love life is concerned, she is not the type of person who is weak enough to be depressed to an extent of becoming unstable about it. Plus, she is not in a relationship.

I was quite jealous myself seeing how the guys tried to flirt with her during the month and was turned down one after another. I can't imagine what it is that she was depressed about a month earlier, I really couldn't...

And so, I thought there was nothing to be worried about... Until one day...

I saw bruises on her body... I tried to ask her how she got it, but she simply smiles at me and said "That is nothing to be worried about. You need to be happy!".

From then on Catherine started to do things to make me happy and frequently asked me if there is anything that I am depressed about. As far as anything is concerned my life is doing great really, it is Catherine that I am worried about!

However, this continues, I can see a couple of new bruises on her body every now and then but she wouldn't tell me anything about it.

One night, I couldn't sleep so I decided to pay a random visit to Catherine.

When I knocked on her door, she opened it and was terrified to see me and instantly shut the door close...

I quickly asked her what was going on but she didn't utter a word... After repeatedly asking to get in I began to feel that there is something terribly wrong with her...

I fear that it might be a self-inflicting abuse that she is doing to herself and that she is still unstable. Why else would she act in such a way?

Then I shouted "If you don't open the door, I will destroy it open!".

She quickly shouted back "Don't hit me!"...........

It was... Very disturbing to hear that from her again since the incident...

I was then convinced that she needs help... I calmed her down and conviced her to open the door... She finally gave in and unlocked the door open.

When I entered, she was still terrified. But I quickly gave her a hug and told her that everything was going to be alright. She cried.

Before I left the house, I stole a spare key from her just in case the same thing happened again. After that, I went home to sleep and ponder to myself whether or not should I advice a professional help for her.

Tomorrow morning, I decide to check her daily routine again, but it seems that everything is normal... I really don't understand what was going on with her... She might have a dual personality or something...

I usually sleep early, however after the incident the day before, I find it hard to sleep. So I decided to pay a visit to Catherine again just to make sure she was okay.

AGAIN! She was terrified to see me but this time she didn't unlock the door and told me to go home in a terrified voice.

After that I decided to sneak into her house the next night with the spare key I stole her from her to see for myself if she was doing anything weird especially inflicting pain to her self.

That night, I sneaked into her house successfully without being noticed. Was quite impressed with myself, but felt like a burglar at the same time, wasn't proud of it.

Catherine was taking a shower so I decided to sneak into her room and grab her diary to see what was going on with her life. Seeing how predicatable she was, it was rather easy to find it.

So I went downstairs to read the diary...

The content was fun to read at first but I decided to skip to the part after the first incident occurred at the bar... It was... Nonsense...

I can't understand what is going in her mind!! I read a page after another discovering upon sentences which doesn't make sense at all!

---------------------
"Today Elena hit me... I don't know what's going on, she told me that I was mugged so I simply pretended I didn't remember anything. I love her, I hope its just because she was drunk."

"Elena is starting to stalk me everyday now... I don't know whats wrong with her... I think she might need help but I can't tell her that..."

"I'm afraid.... I'm afraid of my own best friend!! She is starting to call me in the middle of the night saying harsh words and how she wanted to beat me every time she saw me! She needs help... She really does!"

"It seems that during the day Elena seems normal... I asked her if she called me last night but she didn't remember a thing..."

"Its becoming a daily thing for Elena to curse at me during the night via the phone... I didn't answer the phone, but hearing to the voice messages terrifies me... I am scared... This is not Elena..."

"Elena came to my house tonight! I was terrified like hell! But it seems that it was the normal Elena, I felt bad locking the door on her but I am too afraid with her right now... I can't handle this.."

"Elena came again to my house tonight, I am convinced not to open the door this time. Who knows what might happen. I am going to find her a specialist before this gets out of hand".
------------------------

.....Has Catherine become too unstable? Is she hallucinating? I simply sat on on the couch trying to understand what was going on. But Catherine came down before I could actually leave the house.

She was HIGHLY TERRIFIED and screamed like a crazy woman as she panically ran to her kitchen. I was terrified seeing how my friend was acting in such a way...

I quickly walked into the kitchen, saw a knife on a nearby table and decided to hide it in a drawer just in case if she grabs it and do something to herself seeing how unstable she currently is...

Catherine was crying in the corner screaming at me "HOW THE HELL DID YOU ENTER MY HOUSE!? YOU NEED HELP ELENA!! YOU NEED HELP!!"

Seeing how disturbed she was, I couldn't explain to her how I stole the key just to check up on her to prevent her from hitting herself.

So I decided to calm her down as I always did by giving her a hug...

But as I walked towards her, she became VERY VERY TERRIFIED... She was frantically trying to reach for something or find an exit but she was practically trapped in the corner...

So I slowly walked towards her...

She began to cry uncontrollably and sat on the floor while covering herself... As if she actually believes that I wanted to hit her...

As she was down on the floor, I noticed a mirror which was hanging around at the wall behind her...

I looked at myself... I was... Smiling... I couldn't recognize myself... I was literally smiling eventhough I wasn't actually smiling...

I tried to reach for my face with my hand to see if I was actually smiling... It was then that I noticed...

The knife that I previously hidden in the drawer previously... I was still holding it in my hand...

When the hell did that happen!? How the hell did that happen!? I panicked and let go of the knife...

Catherine noticed it and quickly pushed me away as she ran outside of the house...

It took me quite a while to understand the situation... Not knowing what to do, I went to Catherine's phone in the living room to call her mobile phone to tell her that everything is alright...

I saw the voice messages was blinking... Clicked on it without thinking... There was 14 messages... And it was all from ME...

I was cursing to Catherine... Threatened to kill her... Complaining how perfect her life is.... Told her how jealous I am of her... And told her how I enjoyed beating her...

It.......................
It was...................
It was me................

I am the one having the problem... I am the unstable person... I am the one who needs help....

To think that Catherine stood by my side all this time even being as terrified as she already is...

She still tried to help me... She still tried to make me happy to overcome my depression... She still tells me that she loves me....

I cried frantically by the phone throwing a tantrum in which I could not control....

SUDDENLY.....

I heard someone knocking on the door....

I went to open the door... And noticed a man standing in front of it... It was a weird feeling.. His presence feels familiar, but yet I don't really know him and I am sure I haven't met him before...

He looked at me...

Touched my shoulder...

And said "I'm sorry... I really am.."

I asked why... Why was he apologizing for... And then he told me the reason... A very ridiculous reason... He told me this...

"Sorry, my name is Ammar Haidhar. In case you didn't notice, I am the author for this story. I couldn't have access to the internet because my broadband's modem is messed up and I have to replace a new one eventhough I only bought it for less than 2 weeks.So I decided to write a random story, and the story turns out to be about you and your best friend. Again, in case you didn't notice, I stole your names from the Vampire Diaries series, thus, Catherine and Elena! Hahah!Again, sorry. I don't like sad endings, so I will make this easy for you. You can choose whichever ending for yourself, just choose! I can write it down for you. Seriously! By the way I told Catherine to grab me a snickers on the way back to discuss about this, am hungry! So, what would yo-"

*Slap*! Thus Ammar was slapped by Elena before he could even finish saying what he wanted to say. It turns out that it is the actual ending of this story which was chosen Elena.

Aaaaah, Happy endings! I love happy endings. :D

3 comments:

Paras|te said...

Noticed a couple of grammatical mistakes... Too lazy to re-edit the post... Blogger has become more complicated since the last time I used it... To hell with the errors!! Muahaha!!

mizah-k said...

dah lama tak singgah this blog. good to see you're still doing creative writing. Strange story though.

Paras|te said...

Yup, haven't heard from you for a long time. I only do blogs if I literally have nothing else to do though.