Here I Am, Clueless Whatsoever..

Sorry to disappoint u, but nothing actually happened. :P

I am currently encountering the moment of "blurness" which I usually go through at least twice a week. How did this moment of "blurness" came to me? Well, usually it happens like this.. When everything is fine, nothing to be worried about, suddenly... I start thinking to myself.. Damn.. What was it that I am supposed to do again? Hmm... Nothing was it? But that can't be right... There must be something.. Something's amiss... *looks for any kind of possible clues around me to help me remember or figure it out*... Hmm... Nothing whatsoever.. *rolls on floor.. weee~!* This won't help me.. Lemme see.. *goes around the room, from one to another*... That's weird... It almost seems as if I actually have nothing important that has to be done! But what is this feeling I'm having?? This "uneasiness"... Grr...

So, when I wasted enough time doing pointless things to help me figure out the source of this uneasiness feeling I'm having, I then resort to the method that usually help me towards the end.. Which is by listing down everything that I do and have in my daily life as a student, friend, tracheur, etc whatever.. Aaahhaaaaah!!!!!! Nothing whatsoever.. Hohoho.. I think this is happening because a part of me is screaming "Dude! Ur life is too simple! Life should be complicated!!" Therefore, I am unconsciously complicating my simple life.

Although even after I know this, the *blurness* and this feeling of uneasiness still remains. Therefore, I decided to come down from my room and go to the cyber cafe to go online, which is apparently why I am writing this blog.

So!! What I did was I read Azam/keyrana/abang key's blog to erase my *blurness*. As usual, his post is full of words that explains his point of view in detail which I believe can be applied to most people. Then after reading his post without leaving any comment whatsoever *wanted to leave a comment, but none worth leaving*, I then examined that there are many readers out there who is interested in his story. Noticed that one of his follower has really HUGE eyes, like the ones u see on anime. I was practically looking at them while thinking to myself "woah, huge eyes". As people can obviously see, eyes are an asset that people us as one of the tool to attract people. So, what I saw was basically a person with huge eyes with mascara to make em appear bigger as the person personally opens em as big as they could to make em appear bigger. So yeah, I was thinking to myself "woah, huge eyes". *Do not know why I brought that up.. =/*

*Thinking to myself about the 2009's showreel that may not come out this year.. Hohohoho =P*

Paras|te|sAnEx|stence

Last-Minute-Learning

Last Friday, I had 2 different mid-term exams on the same day. I had Psychology at 3pm and Political Science at 8pm. There were loads of chapter that needs to be covered in both subject, it was the very first time I studied for a subject a week before hand (well, not actually.. I only read through the summary for Psycho to see what I am supposed to memorize before exam). The funny thing was, me myself and the other 3 of my friend who happens to be my roomate + exclassmate in Nilai + classmate for each and every class in Gombak, decided not to study Political Science… Reason being is that we do not want to Major or Minor in Political Science, so why bother?

Me and one of my roomates want to Minor Psychology while the other two wants to Major it, therefore we all focus on Psychology only. There were loads of information that needs to be memorized, my habit of last-minute-learning was not beneficial at that moment unfortunately, =P… What I basically did was checking out my friends’ progress in their studying, I know my brain could not absorb the information at that current moment so I decided to check out my friend’s performances instead. They all had different methods of studying and they all have their “Serious Mode” and “Leisure Mode” in studying, these 3 people are smart people I tell you. Usually they only display their “Leisure Mode” of studying cause its actually quite hard to gain the mood to study since we do not have the dicipline to study like the timetable type of people, XP... But when they are serious, they cease to exist in your very consciousness, you do not see them! Yeah, they only study seriously when they are alone or away from each other in their very own space. Their brain are like sponge when they are in “Serious Mode”, everything you throw at them, they will memorize. They can even memorize the minutest details in the text book. There is no such thing as “Owh, I haven’t read/covered this chapter yet”, there is only “owh, that chapter explains about bla3 bla3 right?”. Its good cause these people can unnoticingly pressure me to study at the very last minute.

Okay, so what we did was we ignored the upcoming Political Science Mid term exam completely, we focused only on Psychology due to the fact that Psycho holds more information and proves to be more important to us, we need to get at least a B for the subject in order to Major/Minor it. We thought that Political Science Mid term exam will only come out with Multiple-Choice-Questions and True or False questions, so we can still figure out the answers through some memorizing… What we didn’t know was that the mid term exam for Political science will only consist of 6 DAMN QUESTIONS!!!! Yeah!! And all of them are ESSAY QUESTIONS!!! We found that out the day of the exam itself 2 hours before Psychology Exam…

So, knowing that Psychology Exam is at 3 pm and Political Science exam is at 8pm, we calculated the time we had to study all 7 chapters for Political Science from scratch after Psycho Mid term exam.. It requires 20 minutes to travel from the exam hall to our room, and vice versa, that equals 40 minutes.. We will need to buy foods and eat and take a bath and all, it will require us about an hour or so.. That equals to An hour and 40 minutes wasted.. Psycho exam ended at 4.30pm, actually at 5pm but we finish early.. 8pm minus 4.30pm equals to 3 hours and a half gap between the 2 exams.. 3 hours and a half minus 1 hour and 40 minutes of time wasted equals to 1 hour and 50 minutes to actually study.. Cool eh?

Minus the travel, food shopping, eating, bathing time spent, too sum it up we only had 1 hour 50 minutes to cover 7 chapters in Political Science… Not to mention the mid term exam will come out with only 6 ESSAY QUESTIONS!! 4 questions carry 40 marks in section A… 2 questions carry 60 marks in section B…XD!!

So when I came back to the room, it was around 5pm or so, I took a bath and instantly studied for 30 minutes, then my brain encountered “Sensory Overload” (Too much info) due to Psycho exam and all… So what I did was I lie down on the bed to rest my eyes a bit… Guess what happened next? I SLEPT ALL THE WAY UNTIL 7.24pm!!! Hahaha~! The moment I got up, the sound of Azan was already heard~! Panicked, I asked my friends what they studied as I ate my food… I didn’t even had the time to actually wash my face, we had to go to the exam hall..

When the exam started, another pain in the ass situation comes in… The time was an hour and a half only!! So damn limited for 6 essay question which carried 100 marks alltogether!! What happened was the minute I got the question paper, I wrote down everything I know, NON-STOP!! Dude, what did u expect? 5 pages of essay in an hour and a half? Omg!! I wrote non-stop! Towards the end my fingers were killing me…

This was the first time I studied using less time than the time I actually use to answer the exam.. 1 hour of study, 1 hour and half of answering non-stop with the information gained from the 1 hour of study itself… To think that we took it so lightly due to the fact of expecting multiple choice questions… Pfffftt!! Backfired!!! Well, not that I regret any of it… Towards the end, everything was fine I guess…

Last-Minute-Study rules!!

Oh yeah, I have 2 assignments that I have to submit tomorrow, and I haven’t done anything at all, did not even search for any information yet… Siddiq, now that is what I call LAST-MINUTE!!! XD

ParasiteIsAnExistence

Ramadhan

The arrival of Ramadhan... Something that should be welcomed by us with the attitudes that fit the Muslims. But I guess different people have different ways to welcome the arrival of Ramadhan itself. Some people might go to the club before the arrival of the Ramadhan, some others might decide to get angry towards their friends for not inviting them to the club, and etc.

I guess people are just too caught up in their life to actually realize their meaning and purpose of existence in life. Too caught up in the challenges in life that Allah (SWT) gave to the extent that they forgot that all the challenges they are currently facing is made possible due to Allah (SWT) itself. Knowing that fact, is it not obvious enough to simply know what we should really do is to return to Him and not curse on everything else that has happened to them?

But some people decides to become all EMO and think that life is all about him... Too caught up in it to the extent that they fail to realize that they are just simply a slave to Allah (SWT). Cursing and hating everything that is happening in their life... Everything that is happening in their life was decided by Allah (SWT), so theoretically this basically means that these people are cursing and hating the decisions of Allah (SWT), without even realizing how serious that is. This theory is only logical I presume...

These people might even go to the extent of questioning WHY are all the bad things happening to them. As a Muslim, I don't even know why they even ask that kind of question.. Do they lack the knowledge about Islam? No, usually these people have the core knowledge about Islam.. So why is it that this stupid question is raised up? Lets see~ What is the purpose of the Quran... To be understood.. To be memorized.. Yeah, these people do understand and memorize the contents of the Quran.. So what are they missing?? Owh wait.. There's another one... Quran is to be understood, memorized, and IMPLEMENTED... Oooowh, now I see what they are missing.. =]

I find it ironic seeing these very people giving advices to other people when others encounter conflicts, they even sometimes recite the ayat in the Quran when they do so. BUT... When their life turns upside down, they go against their very own advices completely... Do they not realize they're being hypocrites? A man who does not go by his own words, is a man who is not ready to carry out a man's responsibilities. So if u want to get married but ur having this criteria, do everyone else a favor and scratch out that dream of urs. You need to firstly improve urself, lets say by firstly... Keep to ur words as man.

I write this topic as general. I bet countless others can relate themselves to this topic, if u do feel somewhat connected and related to this topic... It sucks to be u then XD

When a guy is in a relationship, they take care of others including their own. How do u intend to take care of others, if u urself cant take care of ur own? Just something that needs to be thinked about.

Paras|te|sAnEx|stence

Left With Nothing Except Emotions

Well, to put it simply, my laptop and wallet was stolen when I was performing Zuhur prayer in the mosque of UIA Gombak.. Yeah it sucks really.. I was praying in a position where I should be able to notice if someone were to make hasty movements near my beg (which contains my wallet and laptop, I don't know why but that day I felt like putting my wallet into that beg of mine...weird..). I was praying quite fast actually, so I was quite confident no one would steal my stuff within that short moment.. But I was wrong!! I think that guy stole it when I was doing my "sujud". I was just late for about 7 seconds I think.. When I was done praying, I went to collect my stuff but then I couldn't find it where I left it. So, this is when I wasted a couple more seconds pondering to myself ..

"Aaaa, where did it I last put it? I was sure it was here... Hmmm..." while the thief was already running away somewhere..

Then two guys approached me, asking in a panic way "was that ur freakin beg man!?" (well, I made up the way he speak and translates them in english, they were actually malays that looks like ustaz).

So, I was like.. "yeah..". Then they said "Damn, a guy stole ur beg just now man!!" then we went into "pursuit" of futile. Wasted too much time on guessing where did the guy went to and then poof! Too late...

So in the end I talked to one of the two dudes who also apparently got his laptop stolen last week. For the past 7 days he waited while trying to spot the thief. Last time he was in a blur just like me, but this time he identified that guy. But I suspect that will the last time he see's him though. Most probably that son of b*#ch is not the student of UIA anyways. So I went back to my room emptyhanded.. Felt so empty... If only I could only see just a back of his body even 50 metres away from me, I would without a doubt caught him and beat the hell out of him, leaving a couple of his tooth behind. XD

Now2, don't try to give me advice on "dude, if u were to keep the stuff REALLY2 near u, it wouldn't have been stolen!!"... I'm not the type of guy who leave stuffs like I did that day.. I don't know why, but on that day I felt like doing it... There is nothing I could do anyways, if it is fated for my stuff to get stolen, there are thousands of other ways Allah could have made my stuff stolen even if I guard it. It was my fate that my stuff would get stolen, no use of getting angry about it, just learn from it. Yeah, when that event happened I was not angry actually. I felt like, owwwh, I guess this is fate, I appreciate that Allah still remembers me (of course He does, its just a matter of speech). I said alhamdulillah various amount of times, I know I was not supposed to feel sad or angry, but I couldn't help the feeling of being sad at that time. The wallet and laptop was like my MOST favourite stuff that I must have around me at least 60% of the time in a day. My wallet stays with me 95% time of the day. These two objects were like a part of me in a way, it was like a symbol that portrays who I am... Without them I feel so incomplete..

Some of my friends would say "uuuu~ when did u become religious?", well f#*k you~! I don't feel like answering that question. Well, anyways, I am unabble to return back home for 2 weeks straight right now due to assignments that can't be done on weekdays itself. Im going to make sure that I return back home this week.

This event should actually shape me into a better person really, but with all the assignments an quizzes and mid-term exam coming up, I am noticingly delaying that improvement without my freewill. Even if I wanted to my mind is not dedicated enough I guess...

Actually, I am cool enough to be able to eliminate this "emo" thingy with rational and coolness thinking itself. But hey! Its so very rare for me to encounter this "emo" sensation, so I figured I would like like to savor this "emo-ness" to the fullest before I become COOL as a whole again....

I love myself.. XD

Owh! Owh!! I mean.... ;<

Paras|te|sAnEx|stence

Sadness And Rage Altogether...

I felt Infuriated... Disappointed... and regret... as sadness slowly controlled over me on the 12th of August 2009...

I was inside UIA Gombak's Mosque when it all occurred.. With a laptop in hand, I decided to keep my wallet in my beg as I was feeling uncomfortable with it in my pocket, for the very first time..

To be continued... Not in the mood..

I'm Complicating Things

I feel my life has been very complicated lately.. But then again, logically it is I who makes it complicated. Perspective is something to be admired.. Perspective is reeeally something.. I can see how my mind works quite funny lately.. Usually I have only one perspective in mind.. One at a time.. Either positive or negative, take a pick.. But now here when I'm in Gombak, it has become two-in-one. I think about things in both-way.. At the same time.. You know when you go through matters using ur brain and then ur brain starts to communicate to itself to reason to urself on what should be done or how to see things that are currently in ur life? usually when I go through all that, there will only be one voice speaking in my mind.. But lately, *this week to be more direct*, my mind consist of two voices.. Of course they are my voice, but both saying different things, with different perspectives and different solution.. Its as if I have a split personality which basically combines to produce what I am currently..

This situation also basically gave me a combination of emotions, which I find very weird.. You know, when we think negatively it basically arouses our anger, sadness and etc.. When you think positively it arouses ur calmness, happiness and etc.. What happened last night basically made me write this blog of mine.. I encounter this situation, my mind starts to communicate with itself, with it comes two different voices with two different perspective which also came with two different emotions.. When I was encountering it, I didn't think much, but now that it happened I was quite amazed.. It was weird that I was able to feel angry and calm at the same time.. Feel that the situation is complicated but easy at the same time.. Comes out with negative perspectives and positive perspectives at the same time.. Usually when you reason with yourself, you come out with a single outcome, be what it may be positive or negative.. But I came out with 2 different outcomes, negative and positive.. Both makes sense with equal argument.. There's no choosing which is true because both of them are, its just different perspectives that differentiates them..

Usually the negative solution makes u feel good at the beginning, but will later on makes u regret. The positive ones make is irritating at first, but will later on show its benefit.. Of course by choosing the negative ones, u can still be happy by lying to urself and such, but how far can self-deception take u right? Hey, I can lead a life of split personalities if I want to, but due to "mature~ness", I choose the one that gives the most benefit, both to me and others.

Lately I've been seeing people who lacks the ability to foresee the outcome of their actions which leads to a problem they could not tackle which also makes thing more complicated.. How I wish they could become more observant and analytical..

Paras|te|sAnEx|stence

The Power Of Influence Is Really Something...

The power of influence is really something.. When a person initiates a certain action, others might follow.. In my case, I can see that it is happening in my Psychology class. Previously, there is this one guy who asked a very long pointless question at the very end of the class just when everyone was about to disperse. Yesterday during my Psychology class, I repeat, PSYCHOLOGY class, keep that in mind while reading the following words that I am about to write in order to understand why it irritates me to such an extent that it basically made me write about this thing in my blog.

Yesterday, during psychology class, the guy who asked the question sat in front again again. The very same spot he was sitting the other day. Lets call him "Attention Whore", seeing that I think what he really wants is the attention from both party, the lecturer and students. Before I proceed any further, let me tell you about another guy who I noticed 'might' have the potential of being an "Attention Whore" as well, but he is more towards being a Teacher's pet. He sat in the front row in the middle, lets just call him "Teacher's pet". Of course, there is another person who I would like to mention due to the fact that I noticed his potential of being an "Attention Whore" as well, but he is more into student's attention rather than the lecturer's. He sat in the middle row on the right side. Let's call him Mr."Lack Of Love" in other words "LOL", because he acts like one!

So there we are! I have introduced the triplets of attention whore in my psychology class. Now, recap!

Mr.Attention Whore = Wants Lecturer's and Students' attention
Mr.Teacher's Pet = Wants Lecturer's attention
Mr.LOL =Wants Student's attention

Complete set don't you think?

Okay, here it goes. During the Psychology class, when the lecturer was explaining the method of doing a research, she mentioned about the "survey" method. Obviously it is a method in which people try to acquire data from people by giving them questions, analyze the answer and then make a conclusion. In the middle of her explanation, Mr Attention Whore suddenly interrupted her by asking a question, which is...

"In the survey method, how do, how do, ho ho how do peol....".

Huh?

Yes, he was lost of words at first. After the lecturer said "huh?", he then quickly covered up by quickly asking..

"In the survey method is there a certain amount of people we have to question? I mean.. Aaaa.. Is there a standardized amount?"

Obviously, people can simply answer that question through common sense, such as, it will basically depends on the research we are trying to do and the scale of the people in which we are going to study. But, I tried to not pay much attention to it even though it should distract others attention in a negative way seeing that the answer to such question does not prove to be any importance to us as a Psychology student due to the fact that such information is not even stated in the text book. If it is not stated in the text book, it will not come out in the exam. If it will not come out in the exam, why bother?

SUDDENLY!!! Mr.LOL came into the scene!! He suddenly raised his hand and asked the lecturer "Can I answer that question? Regarding to your question, brother. The amount of people in which you want to ask in a research will basically vary in every field. Lets say if you are a Politician, there is a different amount you should approach. If you are a Psychologist, there is a different amount you should approach. Bla bla bla bla bla bla...." Everyone could see that the lecturer was feeling uneasy and tried to cut Mr Lol's speech due to the fact that she must cover the chapters fast and the question in which they ask are irrelevant. But! When she tried to cut in by saying "Good answer brother..."... Mr Lol could not care less! He quickly continued his long answer. The following speech is basically the same answer he gave, but with a different approach..

I was like... What in the world!? At first I tried to ignore.. But as I ignore I can't help but to notice that both of them spent TOO MUCH time on that pointless question which is irrelevant to our study! They were eating away our valuable time to study! He wasted loads of time answering the question, but in the end the answer was still a blur as he only gave a theory and not a direct answer! Not to mention that the lecturer was late behind schedule and she needed to teach us fast, but who would've thought that they decided to make it worse! Then at last, he finished his answer... Hooray~!

BUT!!! Are we forgetting someone? YES! It is Mr Teacher's Pet!!! He then suddenly said "Regarding to Mr Attention whore's statement about standardized amount, I think what he meant was bla bla bla bla bla bla....."...... Just when I thought the matter could not get worse than it already has...

If things were to persist, I might've raised my hand and ask "I'm sorry, is this question in any way, relevant to our study? If it's not, Miss, please proceed with your lecture. If yes, by all means, continue..". But I refuse to do so due to the fact that I would be an attention whore as well. Although that might prevent such event from occuring ever again in the future.. Hmmm.. We'll just have to wait and see I guess.

Its not that I hate or despise the attention whores, in fact I welcome them... IF!!!!! But that is only IF they ask questions that are IMPORTANT.. Or a question that can help increase our knowledge.. Or pleeeeeease, at least a question that is RELEVANT to our study! We are studying psychology for crying out loud! Not Basic Research Method And Report Writing! If you want to learn that subject so much, then go ask that question in that very class, not in the psychology class. I mean really, who in the world ask a question about another subject in the class? Its more like a death wish really. For those who studied Basic research back in Nilai, they only stared at them irritated. For others who did not, they were panicking! They were like, "OMG! Do we have to learn all this stuff?? Why can't I find it in the textbook!? What are they talking about!?". Yes, they were scared I tell ya. See how much trouble being an attention whore brings if you do it in the wrong way? And if you want to be an attention whore by ANSWERING a question, by all means, please answer them as DIRECTLY as possible. We do not need your long speech with little or no meaning whatsoever.

Stop wasting my time and others, let the lecturer do her job for a change.

Paras|te|sAnEx|stence