1. An Angel Told Me A Story (Part 3)
2. UIA students are selfish
3. Dreams, Ambitions, Law?
4. No water, toilet, broken wooden basket?
5. Clouds, moonlight, rain.
6. Able to online during class :D
Deciding how to separate this stories into how many blog posts. :3. Laters.
Paras|te|sAnEx|stence
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
I Feel So OLD, So OLD I Feel
It has been a while since I last wrote something for my blog. It is safe to say that my last semester in UIA is completely an utter failure in many different ways including in terms of my physical and academic performances :D. I've been spending quite some time playing games as much as I possibly can at home so that I could grow sick of it when the new semester starts and I think its working. I have to change various methods of living my life when new semester kicks in. No more playing too much games, no more excessively daydreaming, no more last-minute approach of studying. Why? Because this method is not working and I can see that it is making me weaker and stupider by the day. Well, I can't say that I did not predict such an outcome because my results were EXACTLY the way I predicted it to be. To see it for myself is way more irritating than I thought.
My failure in performing academically would be due to several different reasons which are because of my last-minute-study-approach, too much playing games + daydreaming, and also having lecturers that are unexpectedly unexpected. (Notice that I typed "Lecturers" with an "s"). I never thought that most of my lecturers would be from the black-listed category personally made by IIUM HS students due to their personal bad experience they had learning from these "lecturers". Previously I thought to myself, "Meh! How bad can these lecturers be?". But then when I encountered POP-EXAMS and biased score markings, I was then beginning to understand. Thus, I failed academically this semester.
My failure in performing physically would be due to several different reasons which are because of my laziness, my time-table covered the whole evening thus I could not join my friends practicing, and also laziness again. I tried to focus on improving only ONE aspect at time. During my last semester, I tried to improve my arm strength alone so I frequently worked my body at the bars to do pull-ups and muscle-ups. Of course, such training does prove to have an effective outcome... BUUUUT~! I learned that you should NEVER only focus on improving one thing at a time. I noticed that my skill improvements in other physical areas are remaining static and some are even decreasing. My previous semester had made me realize that my method of improving one thing at a time is not actually a good choice. There are simply TOO MANY THINGS that I want to improve in life and it seems as if my available time and energy is simply just not enough. But of course, that should not be used as a reason to "NOT TRY"... I failed to notice that I was slowly becoming a hypocrite I myself personally despise, using time and energy and reasoning as a silly excuse not to try. Being a nerd in UIA made me reason too much, its time to re-invite who I previously was. I've noticed too much "thinkers" producing lame reasoning such as "its a waste of time to try to improve yourself in things that you can't excel", "you are wasting too much of your time on physical aspects, you have to focus on your academics", "I already have a girlfriend, therefore I do not need to desperately improve myself in every way possible" etc etc....
Speaking of excuses, its irritating to see grown-up married dudes use the word "happiness" as an excuse or a symbol to represent their FAT STOMACH. "My job is doing fine, my tummy should be able to represent my happiness". That is seriously a lame excuse. I refuse to become these "typical" married dudes in the future. I will try to stay in shape until the day I die. :D.
Way off-topic. So where was I? Oh yeah, I failed physically and academically during my last semester, yada yada yada~
Basically, my next semester will consume a very LARGE AMOUNT of my TIME and ENERGY as I will be very very active in both academic and physical aspect. I think I will face a few difficulties adjusting to it but by posting about this on my blog, I think it should help me feel a bit more motivated as I need to live up to my words.
Oh yeah, regarding to this post's title. I feel so old! This is because its been a while since I worked my ass off to work-out. As we all know, it takes time for a person to get used to a movement and this can be done through repetition. So, if you haven't done any workouts for a very long time, I can assure you that your first attempt of working out would be simply SAD. Being a game-freak has its negative side-effects and this is one of them. So, I tried doing sit-ups.
When I use the word "old", I specifically mean "physical weakness due to laziness itself". I believe that the word "old" is simply an excuse not to physically perform.To make things short, I am disappointed with my past performance, however, I wouldn't change a thing about it even if I could. I take this as an experience to be learned from as a guidance to further improve myself in the future and I do expect myself to improve very much during my next semester and so on. I hope that this will be my ONLY downfall in UIA, and from now on, my new dawn of improvements will finally begin.
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Okay, I guess that should cover about my last semester aside from my new swimming habits I've been having but there is nothing much to tell.
During this holiday, we've been quite busy. :3. I can safely say that we've been to many places many times to do Parkour. However, I would only like to mention two events that we went through. The first event would be the one of the most waste of time event we went at Taman Tasik Titiwangsa, not worth mentioning about really, seriously not worth explained in detail. Lets just say that a person held an event, when we came, the person is not there, :/. The second event would be our performance for the Mini Cooper new car edition event thingy. It seems that they only had two kind of performances planned for the event which includes us and the models (2 dudes, 2 chicks [When I use the word "chicks", I'm not demeaning women, it is actually a compliment really, it is simply a part of our everyday language and you should get used to it rather than put deeper meaning to it than there actually is]). One of the dude model I recognized, he acted for a movie, he had twins in the movie and I am not sure is he actually has twins in real life, the movie SUCKS big time, end of story.
Hmm... This post quite sucks actually, it is simply more towards a brief update about my life. :/. I'll try to make it interesting next time, after I spend a bit of my time getting used to my fourth semester in UIA.
Oh yeah, for those who are HS students, do you guys know how to minor in Law? :O
Parasite|sAnExistence
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Okay, I guess that should cover about my last semester aside from my new swimming habits I've been having but there is nothing much to tell.
During this holiday, we've been quite busy. :3. I can safely say that we've been to many places many times to do Parkour. However, I would only like to mention two events that we went through. The first event would be the one of the most waste of time event we went at Taman Tasik Titiwangsa, not worth mentioning about really, seriously not worth explained in detail. Lets just say that a person held an event, when we came, the person is not there, :/. The second event would be our performance for the Mini Cooper new car edition event thingy. It seems that they only had two kind of performances planned for the event which includes us and the models (2 dudes, 2 chicks [When I use the word "chicks", I'm not demeaning women, it is actually a compliment really, it is simply a part of our everyday language and you should get used to it rather than put deeper meaning to it than there actually is]). One of the dude model I recognized, he acted for a movie, he had twins in the movie and I am not sure is he actually has twins in real life, the movie SUCKS big time, end of story.
Hmm... This post quite sucks actually, it is simply more towards a brief update about my life. :/. I'll try to make it interesting next time, after I spend a bit of my time getting used to my fourth semester in UIA.
Oh yeah, for those who are HS students, do you guys know how to minor in Law? :O
Parasite|sAnExistence
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Grammatical Error, what a shame
Throughout my life, I have encountered many individuals having great control over the language we would like to call "English"~! But its a shame really, a majority of these people I meet usually encounter the same kind of problem which I myself cannot help with... Grammatical errors every now and then... Sometimes it is not even a grammatical error, but rather the words in the sentence which are used could simply be replaced with more appropriate words. It is simply those kind of silly mistakes are silly habits that is very hard for individuals as such as us to help. After all, language is simply a habit, and habit is awesomely hard to change. Past tense, present tense, future tense, singular, plural, the normal problems people seem to encounter every now and then. =3
For Example:
I love car.
I misses my mom.
I loves her.
I myself have a very bad habit due to the fact that I tend to try and attempt to discuss my whole point of view towards a matter regarding an element in a single long sentence in such a way that I am doing now as I try to prolong it in such a manner that it allows me to construct a sentence that will be consist of all my necessary points of arguments which will ultimately form a single sentence that simply appears like a single damn paragraph.
Also, I encountered people who have great control over their "Bahasa Melayu".... However, most of these people that I know usually encounter the same problem whenever they are writing a short story or a long story or whatever story that they tend to write. What "problem" you ask? Well, have you guys ever noticed that their way of writing a story does not naturally reflect the natural behavior of the contemporary human beings in terms of both actions and way of thinking during their daily activities? More specifically, their way of writing does not naturally reflect Malaysians.
For example :
For Example:
I love car.
I misses my mom.
I loves her.
I myself have a very bad habit due to the fact that I tend to try and attempt to discuss my whole point of view towards a matter regarding an element in a single long sentence in such a way that I am doing now as I try to prolong it in such a manner that it allows me to construct a sentence that will be consist of all my necessary points of arguments which will ultimately form a single sentence that simply appears like a single damn paragraph.
Also, I encountered people who have great control over their "Bahasa Melayu".... However, most of these people that I know usually encounter the same problem whenever they are writing a short story or a long story or whatever story that they tend to write. What "problem" you ask? Well, have you guys ever noticed that their way of writing a story does not naturally reflect the natural behavior of the contemporary human beings in terms of both actions and way of thinking during their daily activities? More specifically, their way of writing does not naturally reflect Malaysians.
For example :
“Kau dulu pernah beri tazkirah soal zina hati. Takkan lupa? Bila hati saling mengingati, aku tengok kau dah lalai! Lagipun, Allah larang kita mendekati zina, bukan melakukan zina. Kau belum terlewat untuk bertaubat. Lupakanlah Wa, apa tak cukupkah Allah sebagai kekasih kau? Dia yang menemani kau siang malam, Yang Maha Mendengar setiap luahan hati?”
Wardah terdiam. Namun baginya ungkapan Fiza hanya mencurah air ke daun keladi. Dia ingin Hafiz menjadi miliknya!
I have a very hard time in trying to apply this type of conversation during our normal daily conversations. In other words, the way that they write their essays are simply tooooooooo "fictional" as this kind of behavior can only be seen in "drama" that includes low-class actors.
That is all for now, until then.
Paras|te|sAnEx|stence
Taking Control Over The Situation
I had always perceived myself as a person wearing a mask.
My character that I had created in order to portray myself in UIA had always been the same since I was in UIA Nilai. My actions and behavior does not necessarily reflect my thinking. I had always prefer to stay in the very corner of the class and stay quiet until the very end. I had always prefer to limit my relationship with others be it the lecturer or even my classmates. But when the time has come for me to actually participate such as doing assignments or presentations, I do my very best to live up to people's expectations. Mostly people find this to be weird as the attitude that I portray when I am presenting or participating during assignments completely contradict their previous understanding towards my character. I like it this way... And I prefer it to be in this way....
1. You don't know me.
2. Keep it that way.
3. But yes, you can count on me.
But lately, it seems that most of the situations that I am encountering lately is encouraging me to repeatedly participate and participate and participate and some even to an extent of forcing me to take control over the situation.
This semester, I am currently taking Leadership as one of my subjects. Basically, during the beginning of the class, we were entitled to do an assignment regarding "flora and fauna"... We were given the time from the beginning of the semester until the 16th of October in order to complete the assignment. During the 16th of October, we will have to present the assignment to 6 different judges all-together.
At first, when I entered the class, I noticed that there are around 8 guys all-together including me. I hate these dudes.... The problem is, they FREQUENTLY AND CONTINUOUSLY make up jokes that are not even funny in the first place and then laugh like idiots. Most of them are from terengganu, so maybe it is only me who fail to understand their silly jokes. So what I did was, I created a barrier between me and them as I sat in complete silence. The overall students of the class were then divided into two different groups. Since the amount of chicks were more than the dudes, two chicks were forced to join the dudes. The lecturer told us that we will be given 2 different topics which are "flora and fauna" or "Children's safety" or something like that. So, in order words, "sape cepat dia dapat!!" or in English "whoever picks the topic first will get what they desire while the other group will have to take the leftovers"...
I refuse to take control over the situation, but I do not want my future to be determined by others. What I did was I told my group members to take the topic flora and fauna, no matter what because that topic is awesomely easy. Then my group got the topic I wanted, yay! After a while, the dudes voted among themselves to be the leader while I pretend to be gazing off elsewhere. Then after a while, one of the dudes became the leader. He then excitedly told everyone "OKAY YOU LAZY FOOLS!!! WE ARE GOING TO DO A FRIGGIN TRIP TO EXPLORE OUR FLORA AND FAUNA!!! MUAHAAHAHA!!!!!" Something like that, of course my re-enactment is exaggerated. Okay, so then I gave my number to the group leader and told him to contact me for further discussion.
During the next day, they did a group discussion, I however, was not able to come to the group discussion. So I told him that I will personally come to his room later during night, so just proceed with the discussion and then fill me with the details. Then later that night, I came to his room.....
When I came to his room, he portrayed to me his leader-like appearance as he spoke to me in a very formal manner. I on the other hand wearing sleeveless shirt and a pair of Hawaiian shorts, I was like "sorry for being late, hohoho". So, when I was sitting in front of his laptop, he told me about the discussion that has been made. He told me that they were going to make a trip, and that the assignments will be about the trip itself in terms of objective, details, budget ane etc.... In other words, what he have in mind is basically a PROPOSAL...
As I was looking at the sub-topics that are required to be filled into the assignment, I noticed the necessary sub-topics listed in the guideline given by the lecturer such as "research problem, recommendations, conclusion, research methodology, etc".... I was like.... What the fish?? Isn't this assignment supposed to be a RESEARCH? Obviously, all of these sub-topics does not fit in with all the guidelines for the assignment. In fact, such guidelines are obviously for research study, not a damn proposal. So then I asked my so-called leader, do you guys actually know what needs to be filled in each of these sub-topics if we were to apply it to our proposal? He then told me "That's the problem, we do not know how to do so..."....
I was like.... So..... WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF YOUR SO CALLED GROUP DISCUSSION IF NO DEVELOPMENT WAS MADE!???? So then I clearly stated the contradiction of their main idea regarding the assignment. I told them it is not supposed to be about a damn trip towards flora and fauna, but it should be about the study regarding flora and fauna. For example the problem that we are going to study is about the poor level of awareness of Malaysians towards flora and fauna, and such and such. This way, it fits in nicely with the guidelines given. He was like "oooooohhh, like that!! Luckily you are here, I have no idea what needs to be done.". So, I then helped him by listing down the main points that should be elaborated to complete the assignment. I then told him before I went back, sms me for further discussion yeah? Laters~
After many many many weeks has gone by after that... 3 weeks ago I think, we were supposed to gather for a leadership activity thingy at the main auditorium (we had about a months and a half of holiday since there are no leadership class afterward). I sat beside the leader, I then asked him "How's the assignment?". He then told me they had group discussions previously (what? why was I not invited?) and had discussed the necessary details. I then asked him, soooo, how's the ASSIGNMENT? It turns out that NOTHING had been done.... He then told me that he no longer wants to be the leader and he wanted me to be the LEADER instead... I was like.... WHAT THE HELL!?!?
WE HAD LIKE ABOUT 3 WHOLE MONTHS TO DO THE ASSIGNMENT!! NOW WE HAVE LESS THAN 3 WEEKS BEFORE THE FINAL PRESENTATION, YOU SUDDENLY WANT ME TO TAKE CONTROL OVER THE SITUATION!?!? ON TOP OF THAT, YOU HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING AT ALL!?!?!?
So I was like, okay, sms me the group members phone number then we'll start from there. So, after I got their phone numbers. I sms'ed each and everyone of them. Did you guys attended to the previous group discussions? How's the development? Do you guys realize we have less than 3 weeks before the final presentation? Do you guys know who's the group leader? Guess what? Each and everyone of them calmly replied to my sms saying yes, we attended to the previous group discussions... Our development is doing fine, and yes we know who our group leader is, he is Khairul, you should ask him personally to know more, ;D!
I was like.... O... My.... God.... They have no idea that NOTHING has been done.... They have no idea that I am the NEW LEADER... They have no idea that their perception towards the assignment is absolutely false.... They have no idea that THEY ARE NOT CONTRIBUTING AT ALL! So I decided to take major actions and then decided to do group discussions immediately at the library. Guess what? Only two person came. :). The previous leader and a chick. The previous leader only stayed for 15 minutes or so. The chick stayed for an hour. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention to you guys that this chick is married, yup. And i forgot to mention to you guys that ALL 7 DUDES that exist in my group gave the whole workload of doing the assignments to this MARRIED WOMAN WHO HAD TO TAKE CARE OF HER CHILD. I was like, what the F**K is wrong with my male group members? She is obviously busy since she is married, they all gave her the workload to do the assignment ALL BY HERSELF? Since then, I hated my male group members for their F**KED up behavior.
So what I did was, I told the married woman, its okay, you don't need to do the assignment, let me do all the work yeah? At first she was like, seriously? I dont think that is appropriate. Well, firstly, she has no idea how to do the assignment and she has not done anything in the first place. So I figured, it would simply be a waste of time if I were to hope that any of my ignorant group members will do the assignment. They are too STUPID to even understand what needs to be done in the first place.
During the next leadership class, my group members then knew I was the new group leader. At first they were having this kind of facial expression on their face "Who is this dude? Who does he think suddenly trying to take control over the situation? U did not even attend to the previous group discussions". I was fairly irritated by their facial expressions. So I quickly presented about their false perception about the whole idea regarding the assignment. I told them in SPECIFIC DETAILS what needs to be done in order to complete the assignment. Then gradually their facial expression changed from being a cocky idiot they were before into simply idiots who have no idea what to do.
So I then told them, NOT TO WORRY, I will do the assignment ALL BY MYSELF and then I will try to present it to you guys before the next class for your own personal understanding. So they were like idiots agreeing to each and everything I said. After the class, then my previous group leader told me that "umm.... Actually, our group members had a hard time understanding what needs to be done actually". I was like mentally thinking to myself... I see, so they are that STUPID...
Within 6 days, I completed the 20 pages of assignment from SCRATCH along with the questionnaires and such ALL BY MYSELF. When the time came for me to present to the lecturer for his approval, he told me that it was awesome and that we can proceed with the discussion for presentation. I was like, wooohoooo!! My effort was worth it! I AM AWESOME!!
Then I told my group members our assignment was awesomely accepted as everything was written in DETAIL... It was 20 pages long. Then one of my group members said "20 pages?... Sikitnye (in English = Why so little?)..". I don't know if that was one of the TERENGGANU stupid JOKES, but I swear that I myself really felt like punching that guys face or at least burst by saying what the f**k does a stupid idiot like you know you son of a b***h!? But I pretended that I didn't hear it. I only explained to them with a smile + laughing etc...
Then the time came for me to choose who will be the 3 main presenters for the assignment this upcoming Saturday. Guess what? NONE OF THEM WANTS TO PRESENT. Each and everyone of them told me "OH GOD~~!!!! IT IS MY VERY FIRST TIME SPEAKING IN ENGLISH IN UIA~!!! I AM TOO STUPID IN ENGLISH~!! MY TERENGGANU ACCENT WILL BE INCLUDED IN MY ENGLISH~!! I WILL TREMBLE LIKE AN IDIOT~! ETC..."
Yes, I know you guys are idiots, stop convincing me that you guys are. My previous group leader is a LAW student.... A freakin LAW STUDENT!! Experts in argument and facts, he told me that he doesn't want to be one of the main presenters? Are you kidding me!? So then I decided to choose him, and also another chick that I haven't mentioned, she was my classmates during my time in Nilai, her presentation so far is good, so I'll be choosing her as one of the 3 main presenters....
..........................................................
Truth be told... I am highly disappointed by my group members... None of them even decided to offer me help or even ask me how to make them useful by contributing to the group assignment... On top of that, none of them offered to become one of the main presenter... Also, when I ask them to gather for group discussion, none of them replied and none of them came....
I ALONE... Did the whole f***ed up assignment.... It was me alone who made it possible by working day and night for 6 consecutive days... I perceive myself as a calm person... I try to pity and help those around me without expecting nothing in return... But this...
THIS IS OVER THE LINE. You don't want to present? You don't want to read the whole assignment!? Do you realise that this is not a the kind of presentation that is marked according to your individual presentation but in fact as a GROUP!? I'll be damned if my marks is going to be affected by you F****D UP IDIOTS!
SO I DECIDED TO GATHER EVERYONE THIS WEDNESDAY AS A GROUP DISCUSSION AND OF COURSE TO RE-EXPLAIN TO THEM ABOUT THE ASSIGNMENT FOR THE PRESENTATION... I will firstly present to them my part so that they will know a little much about what is going on and what level of expectations I have towards them in terms of presentation....
I will then torture them by asking DIFFICULT questions... I will not let them go back unless they are able to answer all my questions successfully...
Seriously... I am at my limit.... I can only be so kind for so long.... If they disagree to take my orders or if they do not pay attention to what I am saying... I swear... I will directly tell them in front of their face how stupid they actually are, how useless they fucking are, how a burden they actually are in my perspective. If I were to get rid of them, it will not affect the group's development at all, why? Because they haven't contributed at all. In fact without them, it will make things easier for me to present the damn assignment.
I don't think I can control myself anymore if their stupidity continue to persist this upcoming Wednesday. They continue to take advantage of me without any feeling of guilty, well fuck you, I will make you suffer this Wednesday and force you to contribute to my marks in anyway possible. What can these faggots who dare call themselves men (who gave all the workload to a married woman) do? Disagree with me? I don't think this faggots will actually dare to, once I show my true colour this upcoming Wednesday.
But of course, I will only torture the dudes... The chicks will only be given simple questions and they will need to observe and learn how the dudes are targeted with difficult questions and how they deal with it. Nice, this blog has served its purpose. I pray that I can maintain my cool, I don't want my self to commit any physical actions out of anger. That is so not awesome. :)
Paras|te|sAnEx|stence
My character that I had created in order to portray myself in UIA had always been the same since I was in UIA Nilai. My actions and behavior does not necessarily reflect my thinking. I had always prefer to stay in the very corner of the class and stay quiet until the very end. I had always prefer to limit my relationship with others be it the lecturer or even my classmates. But when the time has come for me to actually participate such as doing assignments or presentations, I do my very best to live up to people's expectations. Mostly people find this to be weird as the attitude that I portray when I am presenting or participating during assignments completely contradict their previous understanding towards my character. I like it this way... And I prefer it to be in this way....
1. You don't know me.
2. Keep it that way.
3. But yes, you can count on me.
But lately, it seems that most of the situations that I am encountering lately is encouraging me to repeatedly participate and participate and participate and some even to an extent of forcing me to take control over the situation.
This semester, I am currently taking Leadership as one of my subjects. Basically, during the beginning of the class, we were entitled to do an assignment regarding "flora and fauna"... We were given the time from the beginning of the semester until the 16th of October in order to complete the assignment. During the 16th of October, we will have to present the assignment to 6 different judges all-together.
At first, when I entered the class, I noticed that there are around 8 guys all-together including me. I hate these dudes.... The problem is, they FREQUENTLY AND CONTINUOUSLY make up jokes that are not even funny in the first place and then laugh like idiots. Most of them are from terengganu, so maybe it is only me who fail to understand their silly jokes. So what I did was, I created a barrier between me and them as I sat in complete silence. The overall students of the class were then divided into two different groups. Since the amount of chicks were more than the dudes, two chicks were forced to join the dudes. The lecturer told us that we will be given 2 different topics which are "flora and fauna" or "Children's safety" or something like that. So, in order words, "sape cepat dia dapat!!" or in English "whoever picks the topic first will get what they desire while the other group will have to take the leftovers"...
I refuse to take control over the situation, but I do not want my future to be determined by others. What I did was I told my group members to take the topic flora and fauna, no matter what because that topic is awesomely easy. Then my group got the topic I wanted, yay! After a while, the dudes voted among themselves to be the leader while I pretend to be gazing off elsewhere. Then after a while, one of the dudes became the leader. He then excitedly told everyone "OKAY YOU LAZY FOOLS!!! WE ARE GOING TO DO A FRIGGIN TRIP TO EXPLORE OUR FLORA AND FAUNA!!! MUAHAAHAHA!!!!!" Something like that, of course my re-enactment is exaggerated. Okay, so then I gave my number to the group leader and told him to contact me for further discussion.
During the next day, they did a group discussion, I however, was not able to come to the group discussion. So I told him that I will personally come to his room later during night, so just proceed with the discussion and then fill me with the details. Then later that night, I came to his room.....
When I came to his room, he portrayed to me his leader-like appearance as he spoke to me in a very formal manner. I on the other hand wearing sleeveless shirt and a pair of Hawaiian shorts, I was like "sorry for being late, hohoho". So, when I was sitting in front of his laptop, he told me about the discussion that has been made. He told me that they were going to make a trip, and that the assignments will be about the trip itself in terms of objective, details, budget ane etc.... In other words, what he have in mind is basically a PROPOSAL...
As I was looking at the sub-topics that are required to be filled into the assignment, I noticed the necessary sub-topics listed in the guideline given by the lecturer such as "research problem, recommendations, conclusion, research methodology, etc".... I was like.... What the fish?? Isn't this assignment supposed to be a RESEARCH? Obviously, all of these sub-topics does not fit in with all the guidelines for the assignment. In fact, such guidelines are obviously for research study, not a damn proposal. So then I asked my so-called leader, do you guys actually know what needs to be filled in each of these sub-topics if we were to apply it to our proposal? He then told me "That's the problem, we do not know how to do so..."....
I was like.... So..... WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF YOUR SO CALLED GROUP DISCUSSION IF NO DEVELOPMENT WAS MADE!???? So then I clearly stated the contradiction of their main idea regarding the assignment. I told them it is not supposed to be about a damn trip towards flora and fauna, but it should be about the study regarding flora and fauna. For example the problem that we are going to study is about the poor level of awareness of Malaysians towards flora and fauna, and such and such. This way, it fits in nicely with the guidelines given. He was like "oooooohhh, like that!! Luckily you are here, I have no idea what needs to be done.". So, I then helped him by listing down the main points that should be elaborated to complete the assignment. I then told him before I went back, sms me for further discussion yeah? Laters~
After many many many weeks has gone by after that... 3 weeks ago I think, we were supposed to gather for a leadership activity thingy at the main auditorium (we had about a months and a half of holiday since there are no leadership class afterward). I sat beside the leader, I then asked him "How's the assignment?". He then told me they had group discussions previously (what? why was I not invited?) and had discussed the necessary details. I then asked him, soooo, how's the ASSIGNMENT? It turns out that NOTHING had been done.... He then told me that he no longer wants to be the leader and he wanted me to be the LEADER instead... I was like.... WHAT THE HELL!?!?
WE HAD LIKE ABOUT 3 WHOLE MONTHS TO DO THE ASSIGNMENT!! NOW WE HAVE LESS THAN 3 WEEKS BEFORE THE FINAL PRESENTATION, YOU SUDDENLY WANT ME TO TAKE CONTROL OVER THE SITUATION!?!? ON TOP OF THAT, YOU HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING AT ALL!?!?!?
So I was like, okay, sms me the group members phone number then we'll start from there. So, after I got their phone numbers. I sms'ed each and everyone of them. Did you guys attended to the previous group discussions? How's the development? Do you guys realize we have less than 3 weeks before the final presentation? Do you guys know who's the group leader? Guess what? Each and everyone of them calmly replied to my sms saying yes, we attended to the previous group discussions... Our development is doing fine, and yes we know who our group leader is, he is Khairul, you should ask him personally to know more, ;D!
I was like.... O... My.... God.... They have no idea that NOTHING has been done.... They have no idea that I am the NEW LEADER... They have no idea that their perception towards the assignment is absolutely false.... They have no idea that THEY ARE NOT CONTRIBUTING AT ALL! So I decided to take major actions and then decided to do group discussions immediately at the library. Guess what? Only two person came. :). The previous leader and a chick. The previous leader only stayed for 15 minutes or so. The chick stayed for an hour. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention to you guys that this chick is married, yup. And i forgot to mention to you guys that ALL 7 DUDES that exist in my group gave the whole workload of doing the assignments to this MARRIED WOMAN WHO HAD TO TAKE CARE OF HER CHILD. I was like, what the F**K is wrong with my male group members? She is obviously busy since she is married, they all gave her the workload to do the assignment ALL BY HERSELF? Since then, I hated my male group members for their F**KED up behavior.
So what I did was, I told the married woman, its okay, you don't need to do the assignment, let me do all the work yeah? At first she was like, seriously? I dont think that is appropriate. Well, firstly, she has no idea how to do the assignment and she has not done anything in the first place. So I figured, it would simply be a waste of time if I were to hope that any of my ignorant group members will do the assignment. They are too STUPID to even understand what needs to be done in the first place.
During the next leadership class, my group members then knew I was the new group leader. At first they were having this kind of facial expression on their face "Who is this dude? Who does he think suddenly trying to take control over the situation? U did not even attend to the previous group discussions". I was fairly irritated by their facial expressions. So I quickly presented about their false perception about the whole idea regarding the assignment. I told them in SPECIFIC DETAILS what needs to be done in order to complete the assignment. Then gradually their facial expression changed from being a cocky idiot they were before into simply idiots who have no idea what to do.
So I then told them, NOT TO WORRY, I will do the assignment ALL BY MYSELF and then I will try to present it to you guys before the next class for your own personal understanding. So they were like idiots agreeing to each and everything I said. After the class, then my previous group leader told me that "umm.... Actually, our group members had a hard time understanding what needs to be done actually". I was like mentally thinking to myself... I see, so they are that STUPID...
Within 6 days, I completed the 20 pages of assignment from SCRATCH along with the questionnaires and such ALL BY MYSELF. When the time came for me to present to the lecturer for his approval, he told me that it was awesome and that we can proceed with the discussion for presentation. I was like, wooohoooo!! My effort was worth it! I AM AWESOME!!
Then I told my group members our assignment was awesomely accepted as everything was written in DETAIL... It was 20 pages long. Then one of my group members said "20 pages?... Sikitnye (in English = Why so little?)..". I don't know if that was one of the TERENGGANU stupid JOKES, but I swear that I myself really felt like punching that guys face or at least burst by saying what the f**k does a stupid idiot like you know you son of a b***h!? But I pretended that I didn't hear it. I only explained to them with a smile + laughing etc...
Then the time came for me to choose who will be the 3 main presenters for the assignment this upcoming Saturday. Guess what? NONE OF THEM WANTS TO PRESENT. Each and everyone of them told me "OH GOD~~!!!! IT IS MY VERY FIRST TIME SPEAKING IN ENGLISH IN UIA~!!! I AM TOO STUPID IN ENGLISH~!! MY TERENGGANU ACCENT WILL BE INCLUDED IN MY ENGLISH~!! I WILL TREMBLE LIKE AN IDIOT~! ETC..."
Yes, I know you guys are idiots, stop convincing me that you guys are. My previous group leader is a LAW student.... A freakin LAW STUDENT!! Experts in argument and facts, he told me that he doesn't want to be one of the main presenters? Are you kidding me!? So then I decided to choose him, and also another chick that I haven't mentioned, she was my classmates during my time in Nilai, her presentation so far is good, so I'll be choosing her as one of the 3 main presenters....
..........................................................
Truth be told... I am highly disappointed by my group members... None of them even decided to offer me help or even ask me how to make them useful by contributing to the group assignment... On top of that, none of them offered to become one of the main presenter... Also, when I ask them to gather for group discussion, none of them replied and none of them came....
I ALONE... Did the whole f***ed up assignment.... It was me alone who made it possible by working day and night for 6 consecutive days... I perceive myself as a calm person... I try to pity and help those around me without expecting nothing in return... But this...
THIS IS OVER THE LINE. You don't want to present? You don't want to read the whole assignment!? Do you realise that this is not a the kind of presentation that is marked according to your individual presentation but in fact as a GROUP!? I'll be damned if my marks is going to be affected by you F****D UP IDIOTS!
SO I DECIDED TO GATHER EVERYONE THIS WEDNESDAY AS A GROUP DISCUSSION AND OF COURSE TO RE-EXPLAIN TO THEM ABOUT THE ASSIGNMENT FOR THE PRESENTATION... I will firstly present to them my part so that they will know a little much about what is going on and what level of expectations I have towards them in terms of presentation....
I will then torture them by asking DIFFICULT questions... I will not let them go back unless they are able to answer all my questions successfully...
Seriously... I am at my limit.... I can only be so kind for so long.... If they disagree to take my orders or if they do not pay attention to what I am saying... I swear... I will directly tell them in front of their face how stupid they actually are, how useless they fucking are, how a burden they actually are in my perspective. If I were to get rid of them, it will not affect the group's development at all, why? Because they haven't contributed at all. In fact without them, it will make things easier for me to present the damn assignment.
I don't think I can control myself anymore if their stupidity continue to persist this upcoming Wednesday. They continue to take advantage of me without any feeling of guilty, well fuck you, I will make you suffer this Wednesday and force you to contribute to my marks in anyway possible. What can these faggots who dare call themselves men (who gave all the workload to a married woman) do? Disagree with me? I don't think this faggots will actually dare to, once I show my true colour this upcoming Wednesday.
But of course, I will only torture the dudes... The chicks will only be given simple questions and they will need to observe and learn how the dudes are targeted with difficult questions and how they deal with it. Nice, this blog has served its purpose. I pray that I can maintain my cool, I don't want my self to commit any physical actions out of anger. That is so not awesome. :)
Paras|te|sAnEx|stence
Monday, September 6, 2010
Take A Step Away From My Comfort Zone, Thanks
This post will consist of random topics.
I never thought that a day would finally come when I feel discomfort in my very own home :O.... Seriously, this is the very first time my comfort zone is being challenged to its limit. I even went to the extent of bitching about it on facebook, can you believe it? Speaking of facebook, I find it irritating when I see guys expressing their inner-emo-self through the usage of facebook's status update over and over again such as "Dear God, you are the only One who could understand the pain that I feel in my chest..Please let it go away...Please...Let me forget her..." or "I'm NOT IN A GOOD MOOD!!" or "SHIT!! I wish I could cut off my LEGS!!!" or "I'm sorry... I miss you... ;(" or "I love you so much my hubby wubby~! <3!!!" and many more that could be categorized in the "I don't give a damn" category. How ironic it is for me myself, a person who deeply despise this kind of status updates, actually went bitching about my discomfort on facebook~! Such irony, woot!!
Let us study what is going on here... Isn't this action similar to what we call the act of the "hypocrites"? Yes, I myself am irritated to realize this fact. Back to Facebook's status update... Usually, when I see people pray to God on facebook updates or actually write that he or she is praying for other people, I find it awkward. It is weird from my point of view to actually pray for others or self on facebook's status update... Why is it necessary? Why don't you just pray sincerely and honestly like normal people usually do? But a friend of mine justify this method by saying that it is with the hope that others would also pray for them. However, I do doubt that others have that in mind when they post such status updates in the first place. In fact, I doubt that they actually prayed after or before they post such prayer on facebook. I'm not saying that it is a fact, I'm just saying that I am unfamiliar with such action.
When people post status updates such as "Sorry baby, I won't do it again... ;(", something like that. I find that to be in the category of "TMI", too much information. Why is it necessary? Human have created cellphones and the usage of SMS to provide private communications with one another. Heck, such method is also available through the usage of "chat" and "Message" in facebook itself. Every now and then I don't mind actually, but the over-usage of status updates to express their lovey-dovey relationships can sometimes bore people, you agree?
What about the kind of status updates that states "I'M NOT IN A GOOD MOOD! DON'T TALK TO ME!!". What is the real intention behind this attention-whoring behavior? If you are really in a bad mood and you wish that others give you privacy, you can simply appear offline in chat and ignore others (it is what I usually do when newbies ask me about parkour, wee~! :D!). Which is to say that the real reason behind such a contradicting act is because they actually want people's attention, awwww~
Waits a minute... Back to my "hypocrite" self! Yes, why was I complaining about my discomfort through facebook? Well, I would simply explain that by saying "Sometimes, when people want to express something, they tend to choose the nearest method that enables them to do so". For example, your mother suddenly told you that you are going to get married with a stranger this weekend... If it so happens that you were on the phone with your friend, you would most probably bitch about it to your friend (same thing during face-to-face conversation and online chatting).. If you were playing basketball with yourself during that time, you would most probably bitch about it by throwing the ball as hard as you could towards something while screaming "whaaaaat theeeeeeee faaaaaaaaaaaaaaatuuuuttttt!?". If you were facebook-ing during that time, you would most probably start bitching about it through facebook, yay~!
Owh well, lets just say that as long as I do not portray my emo-self excessively via facebook, its okay~ (hohoho)... Well, what can I say? My house is in the process of renovation(adding another room on the 2nd floor), the only rooms that I can hang out in is my room and my parents'. Yesterday my room was in the process of getting painted, thus I had to hang out in my parent's room. The reason why there are only 2 available rooms for me to hang out in is because the tiles of my entire house is being upgraded therefore making it complicated for me to move around. Still not enough? I cannot move around freely because the house is full of workers be it on the ground floor or the second floor or even on the stair case! You might think, "Owh, thats normal, so all you have to do is simply go online 24/7 in your room right? That's okay what~?". Well no! Due to my parent's hyperactive behavior as a response to the so called "excitement" of seeing the house finally being renovated, it is not enough for the workers to do their job, they had to drag us along to do unnecessary jobs! SERIOUSLY, WTF!?
Irritating Things That I Had To Go Through
1. I had to remove paints that accidentally landed on some of my furniture, but why in the hell did I have to do so when the process of the painting was not yet DONE COMPLETELY!? There's a high probability that I have to do it again for the SECOND time because someone was not matured enough to make a smart decision. Its almost as if you are washing the car during heavy rain.
2. Seriously, 85% of the house is preoccupied with unfinished renovation, why the hell paint my ONE and ONLY ROOM BEFORE the renovation was COMPLETED?? Can't you guys at least WAIT for the renovation to be completed and THEN paint the room? It doesn't make sense, seriously.
3. I couldn't take a bath freely because the workers are adding a new bathroom and the process is affecting the other pipes in my house, irritating.... Not only for a few hours, but half a day.
4. I hate the noise, not only the construction noise, but also the noise they make communicating with one another.
5. I hate the dust, I have to practically walk in slippers because the house is full of dust.
6. Provided with my parent's orders to move some of the furniture for the renovation to take place, it is a pain in the arse..
My comfort zone is completely challenged in every way possible! I can't have my own privacy, I can't sleep whenever I feel like it, I can't find a comfort zone, I can't even "think" in tranquility. I really2 wanted to go back to UIA Gombak, but the problem is I am not sure about the cafe, is it still open? or closed?
I can't think straight when my mind is not at ease, I need to find a place to rest and think, but such a place is not within my reach for now.
Now back to facebook, it is actually sad to see (usually girls) who edit their pictures by increasing the colour brightness, editing out the acnes and such. It is even more sad to see those who usually take pictures using only ONE SINGLE post over and over again. Of course the horny guys out there would compliment them like crazy, but to what extent? Imagine if the girl suddenly decided to go with a dude she met online.... Imagine the shock that the poor guy have to go through! Most probably "OMG! You're face is full of acne!!! I've never seen this ugly side of you!!" I wanted to write a different reaction. but I fear that might appear racist, lol. Usually this kind of girls usually speak in a retarded way such as "Essshh, fown kte rosak laaa, sedeyh la cmnieee~ ;(("... I know that these kind of people are excited with the fact that if they open their eyes REAL WIDE and pose in a certain position, if they take a picture and edit2 some more, they can actually appear very attractive! But seeerriooouussslllyyyy? :O.....
Speaking of guys who approach girls in a very desperate manner through the usage of internet, i find that to be Super Sad~! I mean seriously, even if the guy managed to flirt with the girl, the fact that such approach is Sad will not be changed. Imagine if a person suddenly asked "How did you guys romantically found each other? :D", the response would be "We met through internet, he was flirting all over me".. "Uhuh... Thats... Uh... Romantic..."...
Speaking of facebook, the holiday I spent playing facebook application's game such as Mafia Warz and Ninja Warz... Now it is really starting to piss me off a bit... Every day there would be random people adding me and sending me message asking me "How the hell did you managed to get to such a HIGH LEVEL!? :O" or "You must be a HACKER!!!".... First of all, I would like to say that Ninja Warz and Mafia Warz is the only game that I played on facebook without manipulating the game's system :D. What do I mean manipulating? For example, in Restaurant City, you can simply level up and get money easily by creating new accounts and then send gifts to your account :3... In mafia warz and Ninja warz on the other hand, I simply use brain and tactic that I must say, WEIRD because others couldn't figure out.... In Mafia warz I could level up as much as I can as long as I click continuously since my energy is limitless. In ninja warz however requires a different strategy, but I quit playing the game since UIA started. Lets just say that in Ninja Warz, I could easily become the globally top no 1 player in the game, yesh, I'm that awesome when it comes to games~! Hohoho~!
Now lets talk about UIA. Speaking of UIA, my JPA application got rejected. My reaction? Owh well, this is all part of fate. I am now a full-time-squatter in UIA, I am so proud of myself oh yeah! By the way, the LAN connection at Mahallah Siddiq is awesome, I can play dota every night if I wanted to but the best thing is the fact that I could easily copy movies and series that others have spent weeks and even months downloading. Weee~!
Ramadhan has really managed to put a stop to my exercise. My body is getting TOO thin, NOT good.. After Ramadhan I will continue with my training and workouts provided with frequent consumption of food.
Speaking of parkour, we should be releasing a new video by the end of raya, I'm not so sure how it will turn up to be though, quite funny for me I think, haha. Anyways, the recording session should take place today, if the video were to be completed, I will straight away post it here. :D
I think that should be it for now. I will try to find a more specific topic next time. I simply can't focus right now, renovation sucks ass~!
Paras|te|sAnEx|stence
I never thought that a day would finally come when I feel discomfort in my very own home :O.... Seriously, this is the very first time my comfort zone is being challenged to its limit. I even went to the extent of bitching about it on facebook, can you believe it? Speaking of facebook, I find it irritating when I see guys expressing their inner-emo-self through the usage of facebook's status update over and over again such as "Dear God, you are the only One who could understand the pain that I feel in my chest..Please let it go away...Please...Let me forget her..." or "I'm NOT IN A GOOD MOOD!!" or "SHIT!! I wish I could cut off my LEGS!!!" or "I'm sorry... I miss you... ;(" or "I love you so much my hubby wubby~! <3!!!" and many more that could be categorized in the "I don't give a damn" category. How ironic it is for me myself, a person who deeply despise this kind of status updates, actually went bitching about my discomfort on facebook~! Such irony, woot!!
Let us study what is going on here... Isn't this action similar to what we call the act of the "hypocrites"? Yes, I myself am irritated to realize this fact. Back to Facebook's status update... Usually, when I see people pray to God on facebook updates or actually write that he or she is praying for other people, I find it awkward. It is weird from my point of view to actually pray for others or self on facebook's status update... Why is it necessary? Why don't you just pray sincerely and honestly like normal people usually do? But a friend of mine justify this method by saying that it is with the hope that others would also pray for them. However, I do doubt that others have that in mind when they post such status updates in the first place. In fact, I doubt that they actually prayed after or before they post such prayer on facebook. I'm not saying that it is a fact, I'm just saying that I am unfamiliar with such action.
When people post status updates such as "Sorry baby, I won't do it again... ;(", something like that. I find that to be in the category of "TMI", too much information. Why is it necessary? Human have created cellphones and the usage of SMS to provide private communications with one another. Heck, such method is also available through the usage of "chat" and "Message" in facebook itself. Every now and then I don't mind actually, but the over-usage of status updates to express their lovey-dovey relationships can sometimes bore people, you agree?
What about the kind of status updates that states "I'M NOT IN A GOOD MOOD! DON'T TALK TO ME!!". What is the real intention behind this attention-whoring behavior? If you are really in a bad mood and you wish that others give you privacy, you can simply appear offline in chat and ignore others (it is what I usually do when newbies ask me about parkour, wee~! :D!). Which is to say that the real reason behind such a contradicting act is because they actually want people's attention, awwww~
Waits a minute... Back to my "hypocrite" self! Yes, why was I complaining about my discomfort through facebook? Well, I would simply explain that by saying "Sometimes, when people want to express something, they tend to choose the nearest method that enables them to do so". For example, your mother suddenly told you that you are going to get married with a stranger this weekend... If it so happens that you were on the phone with your friend, you would most probably bitch about it to your friend (same thing during face-to-face conversation and online chatting).. If you were playing basketball with yourself during that time, you would most probably bitch about it by throwing the ball as hard as you could towards something while screaming "whaaaaat theeeeeeee faaaaaaaaaaaaaaatuuuuttttt!?". If you were facebook-ing during that time, you would most probably start bitching about it through facebook, yay~!
Owh well, lets just say that as long as I do not portray my emo-self excessively via facebook, its okay~ (hohoho)... Well, what can I say? My house is in the process of renovation(adding another room on the 2nd floor), the only rooms that I can hang out in is my room and my parents'. Yesterday my room was in the process of getting painted, thus I had to hang out in my parent's room. The reason why there are only 2 available rooms for me to hang out in is because the tiles of my entire house is being upgraded therefore making it complicated for me to move around. Still not enough? I cannot move around freely because the house is full of workers be it on the ground floor or the second floor or even on the stair case! You might think, "Owh, thats normal, so all you have to do is simply go online 24/7 in your room right? That's okay what~?". Well no! Due to my parent's hyperactive behavior as a response to the so called "excitement" of seeing the house finally being renovated, it is not enough for the workers to do their job, they had to drag us along to do unnecessary jobs! SERIOUSLY, WTF!?
Irritating Things That I Had To Go Through
1. I had to remove paints that accidentally landed on some of my furniture, but why in the hell did I have to do so when the process of the painting was not yet DONE COMPLETELY!? There's a high probability that I have to do it again for the SECOND time because someone was not matured enough to make a smart decision. Its almost as if you are washing the car during heavy rain.
2. Seriously, 85% of the house is preoccupied with unfinished renovation, why the hell paint my ONE and ONLY ROOM BEFORE the renovation was COMPLETED?? Can't you guys at least WAIT for the renovation to be completed and THEN paint the room? It doesn't make sense, seriously.
3. I couldn't take a bath freely because the workers are adding a new bathroom and the process is affecting the other pipes in my house, irritating.... Not only for a few hours, but half a day.
4. I hate the noise, not only the construction noise, but also the noise they make communicating with one another.
5. I hate the dust, I have to practically walk in slippers because the house is full of dust.
6. Provided with my parent's orders to move some of the furniture for the renovation to take place, it is a pain in the arse..
My comfort zone is completely challenged in every way possible! I can't have my own privacy, I can't sleep whenever I feel like it, I can't find a comfort zone, I can't even "think" in tranquility. I really2 wanted to go back to UIA Gombak, but the problem is I am not sure about the cafe, is it still open? or closed?
I can't think straight when my mind is not at ease, I need to find a place to rest and think, but such a place is not within my reach for now.
Now back to facebook, it is actually sad to see (usually girls) who edit their pictures by increasing the colour brightness, editing out the acnes and such. It is even more sad to see those who usually take pictures using only ONE SINGLE post over and over again. Of course the horny guys out there would compliment them like crazy, but to what extent? Imagine if the girl suddenly decided to go with a dude she met online.... Imagine the shock that the poor guy have to go through! Most probably "OMG! You're face is full of acne!!! I've never seen this ugly side of you!!" I wanted to write a different reaction. but I fear that might appear racist, lol. Usually this kind of girls usually speak in a retarded way such as "Essshh, fown kte rosak laaa, sedeyh la cmnieee~ ;(("... I know that these kind of people are excited with the fact that if they open their eyes REAL WIDE and pose in a certain position, if they take a picture and edit2 some more, they can actually appear very attractive! But seeerriooouussslllyyyy? :O.....
Speaking of guys who approach girls in a very desperate manner through the usage of internet, i find that to be Super Sad~! I mean seriously, even if the guy managed to flirt with the girl, the fact that such approach is Sad will not be changed. Imagine if a person suddenly asked "How did you guys romantically found each other? :D", the response would be "We met through internet, he was flirting all over me".. "Uhuh... Thats... Uh... Romantic..."...
Speaking of facebook, the holiday I spent playing facebook application's game such as Mafia Warz and Ninja Warz... Now it is really starting to piss me off a bit... Every day there would be random people adding me and sending me message asking me "How the hell did you managed to get to such a HIGH LEVEL!? :O" or "You must be a HACKER!!!".... First of all, I would like to say that Ninja Warz and Mafia Warz is the only game that I played on facebook without manipulating the game's system :D. What do I mean manipulating? For example, in Restaurant City, you can simply level up and get money easily by creating new accounts and then send gifts to your account :3... In mafia warz and Ninja warz on the other hand, I simply use brain and tactic that I must say, WEIRD because others couldn't figure out.... In Mafia warz I could level up as much as I can as long as I click continuously since my energy is limitless. In ninja warz however requires a different strategy, but I quit playing the game since UIA started. Lets just say that in Ninja Warz, I could easily become the globally top no 1 player in the game, yesh, I'm that awesome when it comes to games~! Hohoho~!
Now lets talk about UIA. Speaking of UIA, my JPA application got rejected. My reaction? Owh well, this is all part of fate. I am now a full-time-squatter in UIA, I am so proud of myself oh yeah! By the way, the LAN connection at Mahallah Siddiq is awesome, I can play dota every night if I wanted to but the best thing is the fact that I could easily copy movies and series that others have spent weeks and even months downloading. Weee~!
Ramadhan has really managed to put a stop to my exercise. My body is getting TOO thin, NOT good.. After Ramadhan I will continue with my training and workouts provided with frequent consumption of food.
Speaking of parkour, we should be releasing a new video by the end of raya, I'm not so sure how it will turn up to be though, quite funny for me I think, haha. Anyways, the recording session should take place today, if the video were to be completed, I will straight away post it here. :D
I think that should be it for now. I will try to find a more specific topic next time. I simply can't focus right now, renovation sucks ass~!
Paras|te|sAnEx|stence
Sunday, September 5, 2010
What's inside my head?
Physically speaking, of course the brain. Metaphorically speaking, of course my thoughts.
The further I study about mass communication as I major in such field of study, the further I understand how common it actually is to find another person thinking in a way that is similar to me. Not to mention that the information I daily get from my other friends majoring in Psychology also helps me realize this fact. In other words, I am talking about personality. The persistent and enduring behavior patterns that tend to be expressed in a variety of situations. Some people might think they have a unique personality, but such personality is actually common. Do you agree?
Usually, when I look at the people around me, I often find them predictable and unable to cope with new information that contradicts with their old ones. What the hell am I talking about u say? I'm talking about perception, the act of experiencing the world and the way we interpret such experience. You see, different people have different perceptions altogether to understand the world they are living in. They have their own cognitive styles of interpreting the world around them. It is basically the mental processes used to perceive and make judgments from situations. What did I mean when I say people find it hard to digest new information that contradicts with their old information? Let me give you an example that mostly occurs to me. Most people who managed to have conversations with me, they tend to interpret how I behave and act towards them as my true personality. What do I mean "true personality"? Well, you see... Different scholars have different arguments regarding personalities. One of the scholars argue that a person actually has multi-personalities. The type of personality a person frequently choose to be used and to define who they actually are deep inside is their true personality. Now that we know about this, lets move on.
People often define who I am by the behaviors I practice in front of them. So, I shall explain to you the stages that people (commonly girls) usually go through when they try to perceive who I actually am. At first, they will look at me and define me as a silent person, shy if you will. Second, they will define me as the kind of person that is easy to get along with, not necessarily the kind of person you "like" to hang out with. Finally, they will encounter a totally new set of personality of me in which they could not comprehend even by comparing the new information with the old ones and make sense through it. Why does this happen? Do you guys know about first impression, second impression and so on? It is basically a process in which we make an impression of who the person actually is by referring to their actions that has been made. There are two types of impression which is the primary effect and the recency effect. The primary effect is the first impression we make of people and how we understand their behavior so on. The recency effect if the last impression we have towards the person and how we use it to understand the person. In other words, recency effect enables a person to continuously asses the characteristic and behavior of a person. These methods are effective to understand a person's personality. But how is it effective if the primary effect and the recency effect they use to define a person is actually the "fake" personality that they intentionally portray to you? I think it is more understandable if I say, a conman if you will.
At first, people will define me as a silent person because I will intentionally not speak and simply observe the people I have to interact with in order to understand them first. After understanding who these people are and how they react to certain situations and what do they actually think when they portray certain facial expression, I will then decide whether I should communicate with them or not and if I do want to communicate with them, in what manner do I wish to approach them? You see, for example, if I find these people to be utterly hypocrites who talk behind people's back and such, I will remain a silent person I previously portray myself as being. If I find these people to be utterly stupid for example being a hippie with a their stupid-appearance which portrays them as useless individuals who cannot think for themselves and frequently stays in the same idiotic group wearing the same kind of clothing which resembles them like a group of useless people (usually these kind of people are the sons of the wealthy), I will limit my relationship with such a person. But if I find these kind of people to be interesting, I will definitely try to communicate and understand more about who they are and how they perceive the world. Why do they perceive the world in such a way? Is it because of their cultural background? Their family background? What kind of environment do they live in to an extent that it shapes them to be who they currently are in this world we are living in? These are the questions I am interested in when I try to understand a person. Understanding people's view and behaviors is not sufficient if you truly want to understand who the person actually is, you have to understand their backgrounds as well. From there, you are able to picture how their views in life develop, and thus provide you with deeper understanding of a person and more accurate prediction regarding how a person would react to certain situation. By doing this, the sentence that dumbass people usually say "I don't understand you anymore" will not occur.
Oh yeah, first, people will define me as being silent because I am observing them. Second, they will define me as being an easy going person because I adapt myself to their behaviors. Usually, I find other people who does not portray their true personality and simply show their altered behaviors to adapt to others easily, when I encounter this kind of person, I avoid them. Because I don't like having a fake conversation with others. These kind of people are easily detectable through their tone of voice and facial expressions. We ourselves usually use this method when we meet new people, for example when we ask "where do u live? oooooo~" something like that. However, the type of people I am referring to is the kind of people who wears a mask. I don't know why other people usually fail to see this but obviously they wear a mask. It is simply a universal behavior that they have created to communicate with new people around them and usually this kind of mask enables them to smile eventhough when they disagree with what others are saying. The only differences between how I wear a mask and how these other people wear theirs, is the fact when I communicate with others, I sincerely communicate with them because I am interested with them. If I am not interested, I will not enable any kind of communication with them thus eliminating the probability of having to use fake smiles as a respond to others.
The last phase in which people usually encounter is when they encounter my true self, which is completely different from what I actually am from their previous point of views. The kind of people that I want to avoid due to certain reasons, will find my personality completely weird and they will find difficulties in understanding my new behavior as such behavior could not be related whatsoever with the previous one. Thus, this will create a situation in which the person will avoid me while I continue not to acknowledge such a person's presence. Some others, I acknowledge their presence, but I purposely avoid them due to certain reasons, hihihi :D. The people that I perceive as suitable in terms of being my friends will however not encounter any of these stages :D.
Oh yeah. I stated that the more I learn, the more I get to know that the characteristics which I previously define as "unique" personalities are not so unique anymore and is actually common. Usually, the people that I perceived as being unique, they themselves know that they are different from others and tend to act in a way that attracts others attention. What do I mean they are "unique" but is actually "common"? Yes, to the eyes of the common people, such traits are distinctly unique.... However, these unique characteristics are simply positive characteristics that have been studied and applied by scholars who pursue more knowledge in a more accurate manner. In other words, I now perceive that people who have these unique personalities are actually "intelligent" people who managed to learn this professional characteristics by chance or experience. What do I mean when I say unique personalities are actually professional characteristics? hmm?? :O
People who's words are often easily understood by others, people who easily understands others, people who could easily relate themselves to others thus attracting many others to them, these kind of people have the professional characteristics in which is defined as "high emotional intelligence". Yes, HIGH, EMOTIONAL, INTELLIGENCE.... Qualities such as understanding one's own feelings, empathy for others, and the regulation of emotion to enhance living. These kind of intelligence focuses on the ability to practice "sympathy" and "empathy". Do not take these two words lightly, they are in fact very hard to achieve. Sympathy is the act of UNDERSTANDING what others are feeling. People usually get into a conflict because they fail to acquire sympathy and often falsely understanding why the other party is behaving in such a manner. Imagine, if you were to be a councilor, when a student expresses his or her feeling regarding love problems, you falsely interpret their love as simply an act of hormonal imbalance and "horny" behavior. How do you think will affect you professionalism in work? Another important ability is empathy, which is to respond in way that you understand how others are feeling. For example, Crying (respond = sad face), Happy (respond = Smile). Imagine if the same student who expressed about his or her love problem to you in a sad manner, you respond in a way that you scold him or her angrily. Imagine how this would affect your professionalism?
The kind of people who have sympathy and can show empathy are "unique" individuals. They tend to attract other people's attention and have loads of friends, because this kind of people know what others think about them and how they should react in order to instill a positive image of themselves in the mind of others. Speaking of positive image, in communication, people refer to this as "face". In others words, don't drop your "water-face" :D. There are basically two different method relating to building a positive "face" of yourself towards other which is to maintain or improve your image, or correct other people's negative image towards you into a positive one. If you guys have these ability, I assure you that your existence will be taken notice by the people around you. It is however not easy to acquire this skill. In order to acquire this skill, one should always do what these kind people with high emotional intelligence do...... TALK TO YOURSELF... Yes. In order to understand others, one should understand themselves first. By knowing others, one can understand themselves even better. By understanding more different people, we can understand ourselves in different perspectives thus giving us the opportunity to understand ourselves deeper as well as other due to the fact understanding of self and others are closely an interrelated process... :D. If you rarely speak with yourself (intrapersonal), it sucks to be you dude. Intrapersonal is good, there has not been a day I never talk to myself. It is good during exams too! Never be too greedy of your knowledge. Whatever you learn, repeat that knowledge by teaching others such knowledge, if you can explain it to them, it is safe to say that you have grasp that knowledge better. If there's no one around you, try to explain that knowledge to yourself, verbally! (Using voice rather than inner voice, thoughts).
So far, I have only mentioned one unique personality which is associated with professional characteristics. Thinking creatively and critically outside the box in a manner that doesn't make sense. This is also the type of thinking that makes an individual "unique". However, this is also one of the professional characteristics that one should practice during professional discussions.
Other personalities can be associated with traditional intelligence in terms of verbal comprehension, word fluency. numerical acuity, spatial perception, memory, perceptual speed, inductive reasoning. Each of this is basically our traditional intelligence, each ability if well-grasped by individuals, will be well respected by others.
There are also other characteristics that can be learned in order to understand more about the people we define as "unique" individuals in terms of the eight major personality and the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. The eight major personality are Neuroticism (Emotional stability), Extraversion (The likeliness to easily communicate with others), Openness to experience (adventurous), Conscientiousness (hardworking and such), Agreeableness (Flexible rather than egocentric), Risk taking and thrill seeking, optimism (positive thinking), and self monitoring (understanding self). Myers-Briggs Type indicator states that people's personality can be understood by their method of learning and perceiving their environment in terms of Extraversion-Introversion (Communicate with people), sensing-intuition (make judgment through sensing or intuition), Thinking-feeling (make judgment through thinking or feeling), Judging-Perceiving (making judgment through judging or perceiving).
So what I am trying to say is.... Although 80% of what I wrote is simply unimportant... What I am trying to say is... "Uniqueness" is not something you are born with... It is something that can be achieved, through learning... What you perceive as "unique" is actually common in the eyes of those critical thinkers. Keep that in mind. Because I'm awesome. :D!
Paras|te|sAnEx|stence
The further I study about mass communication as I major in such field of study, the further I understand how common it actually is to find another person thinking in a way that is similar to me. Not to mention that the information I daily get from my other friends majoring in Psychology also helps me realize this fact. In other words, I am talking about personality. The persistent and enduring behavior patterns that tend to be expressed in a variety of situations. Some people might think they have a unique personality, but such personality is actually common. Do you agree?
Usually, when I look at the people around me, I often find them predictable and unable to cope with new information that contradicts with their old ones. What the hell am I talking about u say? I'm talking about perception, the act of experiencing the world and the way we interpret such experience. You see, different people have different perceptions altogether to understand the world they are living in. They have their own cognitive styles of interpreting the world around them. It is basically the mental processes used to perceive and make judgments from situations. What did I mean when I say people find it hard to digest new information that contradicts with their old information? Let me give you an example that mostly occurs to me. Most people who managed to have conversations with me, they tend to interpret how I behave and act towards them as my true personality. What do I mean "true personality"? Well, you see... Different scholars have different arguments regarding personalities. One of the scholars argue that a person actually has multi-personalities. The type of personality a person frequently choose to be used and to define who they actually are deep inside is their true personality. Now that we know about this, lets move on.
People often define who I am by the behaviors I practice in front of them. So, I shall explain to you the stages that people (commonly girls) usually go through when they try to perceive who I actually am. At first, they will look at me and define me as a silent person, shy if you will. Second, they will define me as the kind of person that is easy to get along with, not necessarily the kind of person you "like" to hang out with. Finally, they will encounter a totally new set of personality of me in which they could not comprehend even by comparing the new information with the old ones and make sense through it. Why does this happen? Do you guys know about first impression, second impression and so on? It is basically a process in which we make an impression of who the person actually is by referring to their actions that has been made. There are two types of impression which is the primary effect and the recency effect. The primary effect is the first impression we make of people and how we understand their behavior so on. The recency effect if the last impression we have towards the person and how we use it to understand the person. In other words, recency effect enables a person to continuously asses the characteristic and behavior of a person. These methods are effective to understand a person's personality. But how is it effective if the primary effect and the recency effect they use to define a person is actually the "fake" personality that they intentionally portray to you? I think it is more understandable if I say, a conman if you will.
At first, people will define me as a silent person because I will intentionally not speak and simply observe the people I have to interact with in order to understand them first. After understanding who these people are and how they react to certain situations and what do they actually think when they portray certain facial expression, I will then decide whether I should communicate with them or not and if I do want to communicate with them, in what manner do I wish to approach them? You see, for example, if I find these people to be utterly hypocrites who talk behind people's back and such, I will remain a silent person I previously portray myself as being. If I find these people to be utterly stupid for example being a hippie with a their stupid-appearance which portrays them as useless individuals who cannot think for themselves and frequently stays in the same idiotic group wearing the same kind of clothing which resembles them like a group of useless people (usually these kind of people are the sons of the wealthy), I will limit my relationship with such a person. But if I find these kind of people to be interesting, I will definitely try to communicate and understand more about who they are and how they perceive the world. Why do they perceive the world in such a way? Is it because of their cultural background? Their family background? What kind of environment do they live in to an extent that it shapes them to be who they currently are in this world we are living in? These are the questions I am interested in when I try to understand a person. Understanding people's view and behaviors is not sufficient if you truly want to understand who the person actually is, you have to understand their backgrounds as well. From there, you are able to picture how their views in life develop, and thus provide you with deeper understanding of a person and more accurate prediction regarding how a person would react to certain situation. By doing this, the sentence that dumbass people usually say "I don't understand you anymore" will not occur.
Oh yeah, first, people will define me as being silent because I am observing them. Second, they will define me as being an easy going person because I adapt myself to their behaviors. Usually, I find other people who does not portray their true personality and simply show their altered behaviors to adapt to others easily, when I encounter this kind of person, I avoid them. Because I don't like having a fake conversation with others. These kind of people are easily detectable through their tone of voice and facial expressions. We ourselves usually use this method when we meet new people, for example when we ask "where do u live? oooooo~" something like that. However, the type of people I am referring to is the kind of people who wears a mask. I don't know why other people usually fail to see this but obviously they wear a mask. It is simply a universal behavior that they have created to communicate with new people around them and usually this kind of mask enables them to smile eventhough when they disagree with what others are saying. The only differences between how I wear a mask and how these other people wear theirs, is the fact when I communicate with others, I sincerely communicate with them because I am interested with them. If I am not interested, I will not enable any kind of communication with them thus eliminating the probability of having to use fake smiles as a respond to others.
The last phase in which people usually encounter is when they encounter my true self, which is completely different from what I actually am from their previous point of views. The kind of people that I want to avoid due to certain reasons, will find my personality completely weird and they will find difficulties in understanding my new behavior as such behavior could not be related whatsoever with the previous one. Thus, this will create a situation in which the person will avoid me while I continue not to acknowledge such a person's presence. Some others, I acknowledge their presence, but I purposely avoid them due to certain reasons, hihihi :D. The people that I perceive as suitable in terms of being my friends will however not encounter any of these stages :D.
Oh yeah. I stated that the more I learn, the more I get to know that the characteristics which I previously define as "unique" personalities are not so unique anymore and is actually common. Usually, the people that I perceived as being unique, they themselves know that they are different from others and tend to act in a way that attracts others attention. What do I mean they are "unique" but is actually "common"? Yes, to the eyes of the common people, such traits are distinctly unique.... However, these unique characteristics are simply positive characteristics that have been studied and applied by scholars who pursue more knowledge in a more accurate manner. In other words, I now perceive that people who have these unique personalities are actually "intelligent" people who managed to learn this professional characteristics by chance or experience. What do I mean when I say unique personalities are actually professional characteristics? hmm?? :O
People who's words are often easily understood by others, people who easily understands others, people who could easily relate themselves to others thus attracting many others to them, these kind of people have the professional characteristics in which is defined as "high emotional intelligence". Yes, HIGH, EMOTIONAL, INTELLIGENCE.... Qualities such as understanding one's own feelings, empathy for others, and the regulation of emotion to enhance living. These kind of intelligence focuses on the ability to practice "sympathy" and "empathy". Do not take these two words lightly, they are in fact very hard to achieve. Sympathy is the act of UNDERSTANDING what others are feeling. People usually get into a conflict because they fail to acquire sympathy and often falsely understanding why the other party is behaving in such a manner. Imagine, if you were to be a councilor, when a student expresses his or her feeling regarding love problems, you falsely interpret their love as simply an act of hormonal imbalance and "horny" behavior. How do you think will affect you professionalism in work? Another important ability is empathy, which is to respond in way that you understand how others are feeling. For example, Crying (respond = sad face), Happy (respond = Smile). Imagine if the same student who expressed about his or her love problem to you in a sad manner, you respond in a way that you scold him or her angrily. Imagine how this would affect your professionalism?
The kind of people who have sympathy and can show empathy are "unique" individuals. They tend to attract other people's attention and have loads of friends, because this kind of people know what others think about them and how they should react in order to instill a positive image of themselves in the mind of others. Speaking of positive image, in communication, people refer to this as "face". In others words, don't drop your "water-face" :D. There are basically two different method relating to building a positive "face" of yourself towards other which is to maintain or improve your image, or correct other people's negative image towards you into a positive one. If you guys have these ability, I assure you that your existence will be taken notice by the people around you. It is however not easy to acquire this skill. In order to acquire this skill, one should always do what these kind people with high emotional intelligence do...... TALK TO YOURSELF... Yes. In order to understand others, one should understand themselves first. By knowing others, one can understand themselves even better. By understanding more different people, we can understand ourselves in different perspectives thus giving us the opportunity to understand ourselves deeper as well as other due to the fact understanding of self and others are closely an interrelated process... :D. If you rarely speak with yourself (intrapersonal), it sucks to be you dude. Intrapersonal is good, there has not been a day I never talk to myself. It is good during exams too! Never be too greedy of your knowledge. Whatever you learn, repeat that knowledge by teaching others such knowledge, if you can explain it to them, it is safe to say that you have grasp that knowledge better. If there's no one around you, try to explain that knowledge to yourself, verbally! (Using voice rather than inner voice, thoughts).
So far, I have only mentioned one unique personality which is associated with professional characteristics. Thinking creatively and critically outside the box in a manner that doesn't make sense. This is also the type of thinking that makes an individual "unique". However, this is also one of the professional characteristics that one should practice during professional discussions.
Other personalities can be associated with traditional intelligence in terms of verbal comprehension, word fluency. numerical acuity, spatial perception, memory, perceptual speed, inductive reasoning. Each of this is basically our traditional intelligence, each ability if well-grasped by individuals, will be well respected by others.
There are also other characteristics that can be learned in order to understand more about the people we define as "unique" individuals in terms of the eight major personality and the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. The eight major personality are Neuroticism (Emotional stability), Extraversion (The likeliness to easily communicate with others), Openness to experience (adventurous), Conscientiousness (hardworking and such), Agreeableness (Flexible rather than egocentric), Risk taking and thrill seeking, optimism (positive thinking), and self monitoring (understanding self). Myers-Briggs Type indicator states that people's personality can be understood by their method of learning and perceiving their environment in terms of Extraversion-Introversion (Communicate with people), sensing-intuition (make judgment through sensing or intuition), Thinking-feeling (make judgment through thinking or feeling), Judging-Perceiving (making judgment through judging or perceiving).
So what I am trying to say is.... Although 80% of what I wrote is simply unimportant... What I am trying to say is... "Uniqueness" is not something you are born with... It is something that can be achieved, through learning... What you perceive as "unique" is actually common in the eyes of those critical thinkers. Keep that in mind. Because I'm awesome. :D!
Paras|te|sAnEx|stence
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Ammar, Control Gile Kau Jalan Kat UIA
After going through a long holiday without being exposed to any kind of academic matters, I have to admit that I felt somewhat stupid and unprepared to enter the same University I once struggled to maintain my cgpa, months ago.
A new semester in UIA... Some friends of mine are here for their very 1st semester in Gombak, which also means that I will not only just be a "Nerd" this semester since I am going to be actively participating in training sessions.
Most of my registered classes lack the existence of Male students and familiar faces. I am no longer living in the same room with previous roommates. I am also no longer going to the same classes my roommates are going for this semester due to our different interest in choosing a specialization for the course. I am Majoring Mass Communication specialized in Public Relation, I went for the introduction class of the subject and as I expected, the career in such a subject is very much exposed to dirty ways of gaining profits such as bribery and lies. But it depends on how I choose to do the job, pretty much like a lawyer.
For this new semester, I have to walk to class alone for each and every day in every week of the semester. I will only be accompanied by my friends during lunch hour. As usual, if I were to walk alone, I rarely pay much attention to the people around me due to several different reasons I have mentioned in my previous blog post before:-
http://parasiteisanexistence.blogspot.com/2010/03/being-social-with-others.html
In short:-
1. I am short-sighted
2. Since I rarely talk to girls, once I talk to one of them more than twice, others would have the tendency to interpret the situation wrongly. This happened to me 3x times in a row during a year of my study in Nilai. Two of them interpreted me as having a crush towards them when all I wanted is to basically approach them for academic matters alone. They even spread such a rumor about me liking them. Another misinterpreted my empathy and kindness to be something else, I myself find it sad that it turned out to be that way.
Well, I don't know about Gombak but that was what happened to me in Nilai. I would smile if a girl asks me something. But I wouldn't be surprise to give an emotionless reply to a girl if I notice her trying to create a long conversation with me. I would end the conversation quickly by creating an awkward situation even ice-breakers could not break. I think its better for people not to understand me... rather than misinterpreting me. (I would not mind if a girl were to have a crush on me, but it will simply make me sound pathetic if a girl were to spread rumors around that I have a crush on her instead)
Therefore I mostly walk to class while not paying attention to the people around me.
Now BACK TO THE MAIN TOPIC!!! XD!!!
A friend of mine Abudi who recently enters Gombak told me "Ammar, control gile kau jalan kat UIA...". Why? Because he said that I did not notice him sitting at the HS cafe when I was walking by and I was not paying attention to my surroundings, haha!
So I think I am going to try and change my ways a bit, I will try to pay more attention to my surroundings this time around and say Hi to my friends if there are any, haha!
(A very short-post this time around, I'm impressed~!)
Paras|te|sAnEx|stence
A new semester in UIA... Some friends of mine are here for their very 1st semester in Gombak, which also means that I will not only just be a "Nerd" this semester since I am going to be actively participating in training sessions.
Most of my registered classes lack the existence of Male students and familiar faces. I am no longer living in the same room with previous roommates. I am also no longer going to the same classes my roommates are going for this semester due to our different interest in choosing a specialization for the course. I am Majoring Mass Communication specialized in Public Relation, I went for the introduction class of the subject and as I expected, the career in such a subject is very much exposed to dirty ways of gaining profits such as bribery and lies. But it depends on how I choose to do the job, pretty much like a lawyer.
For this new semester, I have to walk to class alone for each and every day in every week of the semester. I will only be accompanied by my friends during lunch hour. As usual, if I were to walk alone, I rarely pay much attention to the people around me due to several different reasons I have mentioned in my previous blog post before:-
http://parasiteisanexistence.blogspot.com/2010/03/being-social-with-others.html
In short:-
1. I am short-sighted
2. Since I rarely talk to girls, once I talk to one of them more than twice, others would have the tendency to interpret the situation wrongly. This happened to me 3x times in a row during a year of my study in Nilai. Two of them interpreted me as having a crush towards them when all I wanted is to basically approach them for academic matters alone. They even spread such a rumor about me liking them. Another misinterpreted my empathy and kindness to be something else, I myself find it sad that it turned out to be that way.
Well, I don't know about Gombak but that was what happened to me in Nilai. I would smile if a girl asks me something. But I wouldn't be surprise to give an emotionless reply to a girl if I notice her trying to create a long conversation with me. I would end the conversation quickly by creating an awkward situation even ice-breakers could not break. I think its better for people not to understand me... rather than misinterpreting me. (I would not mind if a girl were to have a crush on me, but it will simply make me sound pathetic if a girl were to spread rumors around that I have a crush on her instead)
Therefore I mostly walk to class while not paying attention to the people around me.
Now BACK TO THE MAIN TOPIC!!! XD!!!
A friend of mine Abudi who recently enters Gombak told me "Ammar, control gile kau jalan kat UIA...". Why? Because he said that I did not notice him sitting at the HS cafe when I was walking by and I was not paying attention to my surroundings, haha!
So I think I am going to try and change my ways a bit, I will try to pay more attention to my surroundings this time around and say Hi to my friends if there are any, haha!
(A very short-post this time around, I'm impressed~!)
Paras|te|sAnEx|stence
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